Chip Pew: Made to Win — The 6 Skills Every Man Needs

SPEAKER_02 0:00

As I'm listening to it, I'm like, What do you do if your dad's dead? That was my words. I never met mine. He said, Do you know where he's buried? I was like, I don't, but Gemini does. And so I use Gemini to find my dad's grave within the next couple of weeks. And he told me to just go to it. And so I ended up going to the grave, speaking over the grave. This was March 22nd on my birthday of this year. I put my hands in the dirt, knelt on the ground, never there was always an abandonment wound that I carried with me. As I put my hands in the dirt and started crying, praying, anger coming out. I ended up forgiving him, asking the Father to forgive him, bloodlines, curses, whatever things I may not even understand, being just in the Western world. And when I got up, I felt I felt the spirit of abandonment just disappear. I felt up.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

My life was just spyrolling downhill, depression, alcoholism, incarceration, death by despair. One guy who showed up is just Jesus. If you can give a man clarity and community, he can start to live out his purpose. You can break generational curses of alcoholism.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Welcome to Dudes Without Dads, the show that trains men how to become the dads they never had. Chip, welcome to the Dudes Without Dads podcast. I am super stoked and encouraged on the wisdom that you're going to drop today. Just grateful and thankful that you're here. And in a second, I wanted you to share with everybody how what your starting, we're going to get into your book, but where your starting point was and how did you end up becoming the chaplain and leadership team developer of the Tennessee Titans? Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yeah, that's right. Let's go. I'm fired up to hang out with you, Joshua. And I appreciate your work and what you're doing. But we're uh we are excited to be in the Nashville area, been in Tennessee for a number of years, um, working at a university down the road because most of my work has been with uh in college ministry and with college football players uh for the last 25 years. Um I've I got into strength conditioning development um out of college. Uh played college football at Ohio University, go bobcats, the green and white, not the buckeyes, and uh got out of there and was on fire for Jesus and thought, let me see how I can make an impact with young men, especially athletes, felt called athletes, and so went into coaching with strength and conditioning, but primarily did so for through for evangelism purposes, and uh tried my best to work from the inside out, you know, on a university campus. And uh through the years, uh the Lord took us to four different schools, and the last one was at Tennessee Tech University, which is not too far from Nashville. And because of a previous connection with um uh a man in the front office of the Titans, when the position came open with the Titans, they reached out and said, Hey, would you like to put your name in the hat for our chaplain? And and the the title is director of team development, which basically means I'm like a life coach uh for the players. And uh, and so I I said, Yeah, let's definitely look at that and see if we can get in here and and uh help these guys uh continue to develop as men, first and foremost, um, then as uh football players, secondly, and um I'm just really privileged and honored to to serve. Uh it's a great organization, a lot of good people, um, and I'm thankful to be in the area around good uh churches and and local pastors and ministers that uh I can serve alongside.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

And then you've got three beautiful girls in your life. Do you want to tell anybody listening about them?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yeah, my wife, Nicole. We are celebrating our 26th uh anniversary this summer, and she has been right by my side throughout. Um we met in college, uh, came really to faith in Jesus in a new, fresh way in college through our campus ministry together, and that's why we're really passionate about that age group and that age and that time. And uh the Lord gave us two daughters uh years later, Rory and Regan, and they're both a high school age and uh love the Lord, and so the four of us love to serve together, have people in our homes, and do our best to tell people about Jesus. God God did not give me boys. Uh so I I I I wondered why, and uh I I think one of the main reasons may be because my ministry is mainly serving young men, and uh pretty cool what your uh this podcast is about because I'm passionate about uh young men who especially did not have uh the opportunity to have a dad in the home, and so we find ourselves a lot of times having guys in their home and uh getting to know them serving together.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

I'm gonna ask some sideway questions because as you chat, I'm recognizing some patterns. Um, I thought ministry only took place in the pulpit and inside of church. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yeah, so I am actually a son of a preacher, and I told uh everybody I was not gonna be a preacher, you know, and uh and it wasn't anything against my dad that I just really thought I don't want to do ministry that way. And um I've stayed true to that, even though I have been in vocational ministry for uh several years in campus ministry, but uh really resisted that one role, that pulpit role, and uh certainly I'm thankful for all the men that have filled that role and I've been uh blessed to be around, but I find myself more uh drawn to everyday evangelism. Uh again, working from the inside out with with uh organizations instead of trying to get in. I I feel like, hey, get in and let and let God use you where you are. And so our discipleship training with the nonprofit I'm part of would be one make one. We've actually made that one of our our big goals is to help people be where they are, embrace the mission field right where they are in the workplace.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Yeah, so good. And just for those that are curious, can you really make an impact in someone's life outside of vocational ministry?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Well, if I if I list the top people outside of my parents who've had the biggest impact on me, it's not been preachers, you know, it's it's been disciple makers who were uh and made and certainly were leaders in the church, but but they had every day 20 uh you know a guy uh with a with a job uh working eight hours a day and then spending time with me outside of that. Um that's the the the men that had the biggest impact on me in in the college ministry were actually not the ministers, they were the elders, um men who were mentors that yeah had their day job, and I was in their home, and they had me they had me in their home and let me see what it was like to be a husband, be a father. And I thought, well, that's what I want to do, you know. And so those have done that for me, and hopefully I've done the same um for others.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah, and let me just unlock for all of our listeners. I want to encourage you not just to, you know, allow Jesus to heal your wounds, but also to break your belief as it relates to what a ministry is, and I want to encourage you, your life can make an impact on others. As you get healed, as you follow Jesus, you will inevitably be put in proximity where you can share your story with others and make an impact on their lives. And so I just want to encourage all of our listeners. I cannot stress how important it is for you to understand that God loves you, He wants to heal heal you and give you a purpose and a plan with your life. And so just thank you, Chip, for giving us an opportunity to platform the fact that you can be where you're at and be absolutely making an impact while you're making an income. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yeah, appreciate that, brother. I in fact, I I even it's not because I'm ashamed, um, but it is because of a desire to be relevant and approachable. I resist telling people I'm a minister per se. I try my best to describe what I do outside of that. And even with our football players, when I when I meet them, you know, I don't tell them I'm the team chaplain. That's not my title, uh, even though that is what that's part of what I do. I I tell them what I do is I'm here to serve them as a coach, as a personal growth coach, life coach, and uh with team development. And I want them to get to know me so that there's not a barrier. Uh, because a lot of times we we say, well, I'm a minister, and then immediately that shuts people down. And so I think there's a great advantage for those that are like, Well, I'm not a minister per se, and by title, you may have an advantage over others, so use that to your advantage uh to serve in the kingdom.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Amen. I'm gonna start in an uncommon space in your book, and it's a quote that made your book that I'm gonna start out, and then when I get done, I want you to answer this question. So I'm giving it to you before I ask it to you. It's gonna be why did this quote make your book? It's from a Westminster Abbey uh tomb from an Anglican bishop dated 1100 AD. And here's the point when I was young and free, and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change. So I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country. But it too seemed immovable. And as I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled, settled for changing only my family, those closest to me. But alas, they would have none of that. And now I realize as I lay on my deathbed, if I had only changed myself first, then by example, I might have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would have been able to maybe make my country better. And who knows, I might have even changed the world. Why did this quote make your book? Thank you for taking time to listen to this story. And if there's something inside of here that is adding value to you, I want you to stop and hit subscribe. I am on mission to help men become the dads they never had. Many of us struggle with father wounds, addictions, identity issues, and really what we need is we need a model. We need to see people that have broken the patterns and come alongside of them. I want to simply invite you to join me on the journey. Every Thursday, we're gonna release a new episode. Each episode is gonna help you and others become the dads they never had. Hit subscribe and share with a friend. Now let's get back to the story. Why did this quote make your book?

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Yeah, man, isn't that awesome? Uh the the mindset of what one changed life can do, the impact. That's that's why. Um I was walking down the road with the the guy who discipled me when I was in college, and he looked down, he saw a penny on the ground. And he said, Man, see that penny. You ever think about how many times people have walked by that penny and not picked it up? How many people probably? And he picked it up and he goes, Isn't that a lot like you know, the people we see every day? How many times we walk by people and don't realize their value, you know, that that they are valuable, they don't seem like they have a lot of value because they're not the not the ones that make the name, you know, that that hits the lights. And but it's it's this person, this obscure person from somewhere, from an obscure place. But that's exactly who everybody is, you know, this one person who can change the world if they get a hold of their purpose. But we get distracted, a lot of folks do. I I was distracted on um a mission that I think I've got to go do this and do that and change myself, instead of saying, What if I change just me? Just me. I just try to make myself the best version of me, then I can actually have the impact. And so that that penny illustration is in the book as well, and it transformed the way I looked at people, the way I looked at the mission of Jesus, because that's what he did. He saw people, individual people with value, you know, like the the woman at the well, like that's probably one of the best examples. He saw this value in this woman that others didn't see, you know. And and so, yeah, when I found that quote, I thought that's it. That is it. And uh, I think every one of us, if we take hold of that mentality, looking at ourselves that way, of like Jesus changed me, let me be who you made me to be, and then I probably will be able to have an impact.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

That's so good. As you're talking, I'm reminded of so many great quotes. I had a uh friend that wrote books many years ago by the name of Hal Perkins, and he wrote that we teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are. And in and then I work with an organization called Lead Like Jesus, and they start their leadership training by it being an inside out. You know, in order for you to lead anybody, you have to first start with yourself. And so I appreciate you putting that inside your book. And I want to take you to the very beginning of your your book. You answered the following question, or at least you asked it and then you answered it. So I want to find out from you today what your answer to this is. What does winning look like?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah, everybody wants to be a winner, you know, and and many people say they are winners, but yeah, I thought about that a lot. In fact, I wrote the book, uh, chose the title, and then uh those that are close to me, uh, editors, others, they really kept pushing me. Make sure you get this really clear. Because sometimes things are clear in our own minds, and then we don't put them out there real clear. So, what we ended up doing um after time was really trying to get this statement right. Winning in life, winning in life really is following the champion Jesus Christ, who's won our hearts. That's winning, and and the reason that's winning is because Jesus is the greatest winner, the the true champion of the world. But you know, that can sound cliche, but you've got to break it down and say, well, what does that look like? You know, and and what I have found is that when I'm winning, when I'm maximizing my potential, I'm I'm trying to be the best I can be, the greatest way to do that is is to get involved in his mission of winning others. So if you think about it, if I'm following Jesus, the champion, that's winning, because where he goes is just that. He's trying to win others and help them. So then you keep teasing that out, and you say, Well, we win as we go and win others to Jesus. We win when we become an overflow that that helps others come to him, and we maximize our potential in his mission. And so that's that's where the book goes. It's kind of play on words. Like if you want to win, you want to win others. Um, that that it truly is winning.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

When you think about the you know, the the leaders, the sports, let's look at the the individuals that you are most in proximity with right now. You work with professional NFL athletes. When you start working with somebody inside of a team or individually or collectively, what are the things, the lies that you have to help them break down in order for them to start really understanding that what they thought looked like winning wasn't actually winning?

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Yeah. Yeah, the there's there's a lot of fool's gold out there in there of this is what it's gonna be like when you win. Um, one of my good buddies that's an NFL executive who wrote the forward of the book, he Chad Brinker, he talks about how uh when he won a Super Bowl, he stood on the field and was so excited, he reached the pinnacle of his profession, this profession, he thought, well, wait, is that it? You know, it just didn't feel fulfilling in and of itself. And then what you look at with a lot of professions is it was the process to get there that was really uh what you're after. And and what I have found, I'm sure you would say the same, is that when I'm gone after these goals, these you would say worldly goals maybe, but um, I don't mean that in a sinful way. I'm just saying they're they're trophies of this world temporal, like Paul would say. When I go after those things, they do bring out good in me, they they make me dig down and try to be the best I can be. But what we don't want to do is get mixed up and think that thing is the goal. It's actually who I'm becoming in the process that is really what we're after. And as I become who Jesus made me to be, now I'm experiencing what it looks like to win. That's why we say winning the life is really following him. You know, he told his disciples, he said, Come, follow me, and I'll make you become fishers of men. There's a process of being made like him and being made to overflow among others. And when I when I I get behind him, that's when I'm gonna find that. So, yeah, back to your question. Um, so many guys come from different backgrounds, and they finally made it to this place where they've dreamed of for their whole lives, you know. And it's the less than one percent of all people who ever play football even get a sniff, you know, at um at where where we are in an NFL team. 32 teams, 53 players, you know, you're gonna talk about you know 1,600 humans on the planet at any time are really playing the sport. That's really hard to do. And so they've made it, but I always look at them when they come in. I get I get a chance to talk to the rookies, and uh I talk to the rookies, do some development work with them, and I I tell them, like, look what you did, you made it. This was what you dreamed of. Now, how are you gonna stay here? You're gonna have to do something different, something better. And so the process is already there, but you've got to now use that process in a better way, in a higher way. And so, in the book, what we do is we talk about the process really is expecting that you can win, and then if you expect it, then you've got to have an aim, and then if you aim, you get a train. But I think what a lot of people do is a lot of people don't really expect they can win, even guys that make it to this level, they they don't expect because there's so many lies they're hearing of well, I probably got here because of luck, or I probably got here because somebody else, or or what I this or whatever. And what we've got to do is say, no, no, no, you got here because you you you got into that system that worked for you, but now we got to do it in a greater way. And what what I want to do is help them say, Okay, who you really after? The process really is to become more like who made you, and you ought to expect that you win because the one who made you expects that you win. And that man, that's just a this is an awesome experience to to get um with these guys one on one and talk to them about those things.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

As I hear you chat, I'm thinking about do you know who Craig Rachel is?

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

He wrote a book with a guy named Dr. Chappelle. And it's you sound like I interviewed him a few weeks ago. You sound like him. Uh the book is about, hey, we he worked for the Oklahoma uh Thunder. Um, and I'm sorry, they lost. Okay. Yeah. If you listen to this, we're, you know, a few days after them getting beat with the spurs by the Spurs. Great team, though. Amazing team. Amazing team. But he talks about the key to winning is you find these individuals, and now you got to figure out how to keep them in the top one percent every single game inside their mindset. And so when we think about made to win, it's about optimizing winning. And what I hear you saying, winning is a process of daily formation by the father, and and that ultimately brings about the winning that you're referring to. Is there anything you want to add to that? If not, I'm going to go a little bit into your book.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Oh, let's keep going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

So I highlighted um these six words, and it spells out skills. You put the this inside of the book because you believe that we all need to practice certain skills. For the rest of our time together, I'd like for you to just break down um each skills and why those are so important for us to practice.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Yeah, those skills have become uh so important to me because I really do believe, you know, it's a cool thing when you can say you think God gave you something to share. Uh, the skills are that for me. I believe God gave them to me to share with the world. And we we shared them for years within the people that we've discipled and the leaders, but we thought, what if we put in a book? And and so I've had a I say we because there's a team around me that's helped continue to work on these and sharpen them and try to get them right, you know. And uh it's just another way of packaging what it looks like to follow Jesus practically, and it's just a way that really resonates with us. So those six skills are the acronym S-K-I-L-L-S. They so that the term skills is important to us, but it also spells out um what these practices are. And really, first, I think it's cool to just think about the idea of skill. Skill is is is practical wisdom, it's something I use, something I can and take and use in my in my world, um, where I'm at. It's not just uh book knowledge, you know. Uh I I tell this story about how I was trying to cut uh a piece of drywall out in my house one time. And it was just such a really tangible experience where I thought about this principle where I'm trying to cut it. I had the right tool, and I'm I'm trying to get it opened up, and and I just I don't know, I didn't really know what I was doing. And just so happened, my next next door neighbor, her dad's a uh contractor, and and up in years, so he's he's got a lot of experience. I called over, I said, Hey, can you think you can come over and help me? Because he was visiting, and so he came over to grab the same tool that I've been working at for over an hour. I mean, we're talking like a minute and just you know, just gets it done real quick. I thought, now that's someone who's skilled, they have practiced something so much that it's become part of who they are. He didn't have to think about it, you know. And so in the book we talk about how skill, if you think about skill that way and you and you look at life, a skillful life, that's Jesus, you know, he knows how to do life, and he is empowered, of course, with the spirit, and then he sends his spirit to us to fill us, but at the same time, just like anything else, the Lord wants us to practice these things so we can learn, you know, and grow. And so this the six skills that of that skillful life that Jesus practices are speak your purpose, that's the first S. Um, we'll come back to them here in a second, but let me just list them. Speak your purpose, then know the word is the K. Invest in the One is the I. Lift your heart to the first L. Live in community, the second L, and then share the message. And the the the book ends there, the first skill and the last skill are there for a reason. They I really do think they are the first and last in that sequence. The others, I don't know that it really matters too much as far as ordering goes, but that speak your purpose really is um an amazing process to think there is a purpose that God gave me within his mission that I can define and I can discover. And when I when I understand that, it unlocks the rest of these practices, you know. Um, and I and I know that that's something that that obviously you believe in too, uh, from what you were telling me, is is is that purpose that people have within their work, within their families. It's not necessarily a title, a ministry title, it's it's how your identity plays out and that purpose. And so we say, you know, speak your purpose like Jesus did. You know, I'm not Jesus, but he did say I am, and he owned who he is, and in his identity statements, he he spoke purpose. I'm a good shepherd, you know, there's a there's a purpose there, uh, of shepherd has for sheep. So why wouldn't we do the same thing, you know? Um know it, but then speak it. So the power of words, where words are so amazingly powerful, that's how God created the world. Second Peter 3 says it's how the world's going to end, too, with a with a word. So um we are really learning to be more like God when we are careful with our words, and uh, so I am Charles Clyde Pugh the Fourth. That's my legal name. Chip is actually not in my name, Charles Joshua. I didn't know that for a long time, bro. I I didn't know that Charles was such a powerful name. I thought Chip is what I should own, but when I started going back to my real given name, I started hearing the gospel in it. So good. Um the name Charles means free man, and I was running from it most of my life because it sounded kind of formal and legal, but the Lord spoke over me free man. Well, I got a hold of that later and then started to understand um more about my name chip. Chip means like you're like your dad. Started embracing who my dad is. You know, I told told you how my dad was a preacher, and I'm like, well, I want to be a preacher, but that's not who my dad is, that's what my dad did. I got to know how he was a man of the word, and and and then as I you know reflect and also listen to others, I start learning what I'm the way the Lord wired me. And so we've we help people come up with this identity statement that speaks their purpose, and so mine involves uh I'm a blacksmith, so I'm a free man chosen by God, but I'm a blacksmith fit to forge leaders and the tools they need to win. And that took a long time to make sure I got that phrase right because I mean every single word. So that I'm I'm someone who loves to take others that are meant to win, made to win, as the book's called, and I think, how can I like give them tools, give them things that can help them? And that's what a you know, blacksmith did. And I'm not the one doing it, I'm the one who's serving them, helping them. So it's an image that that that helps us create, you know, kind of like people, you know, they get a tattoo that says here's something that's important to me. Well, it's that same mentality, like, let's take these words and craft them, and it forces you to go back to scripture and think, okay, what does God say about that and say about me? And so, yeah, I'm trying to say a lot really quickly, but um, you can get me going on that first skill.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Yeah, let's marinate, let's marinate for a second. And what I want you to do is you get to pick out one other of the six letters slash practices that you want to share, and then everyone has to grab your book to start practicing these skills. But if we were just to marinate for a second or two on identity and the words that have been spoken over us, and especially when we're talking about dudes without dads, okay. I remember I was a gangster rap, and there was music that said, if I died, my son will be a and it used a certain word that starts with a B, ends with astered. How am I gonna say it? But that as an identity growing up is like I was a dude without a dad. And when you when you grow up, you have other people that give you your identity, whether it's inside of gangs, or whether it's inside of drugs, whether it's inside of popularity, whether it's inside of sports. And it's so powerful for you to say, friends, if we're going to learn to practice skills for a life of mission or purpose, we've got to first let the father define our identity. Can you help someone or just do you want to wrap that up or speak anything on that? And then you get to pick out one other letter. Do you have an incredible story of overcoming the home that you were raised in? Or maybe the father wounds that were placed inside your life? If so, I want to share it with other dudes without dads. Simply go to dudeswithout dadspodcast.com and apply to be a guest on the show. The reason it's important to share your story is because when you share what God has done for you, it helps other men believe that God can do it for them and he can. To share your story, head over to Dudes Without Dads Podcast today. We've got to first let the Father define our identity. Can you help someone or just you want to wrap that up or speak anything on that? And then you get to pick out one other letter.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Yeah, I mean, there there are other ways to do this. Certainly go to the scriptures and listen to what the Lord says to you in general about uh when you commit your life to him. But I think when you when you help someone else stop and think about their name, it can be transformational. And so here's here's the key. The reason the name is so important is because you were given your name, at least most of us were given our names before we did anything else, before we did anything right, before we did anything wrong. And most of us want to talk about here's what I've done, and that then makes me who I am. And of course, that's what the enemy did with Jesus. He said, Hey, if you're the Son of God, command that these stones become bread. So he's giving him thinking about things he could do or did do. And Jesus turned around and said, No, no, that's not how it works. I'm not going to prove who I am by what I can do, I'm going to receive the word of God. Jesus said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. Well, just a few verses earlier, we read, the word of God said, You are my beloved son, whom I am well pleased. So the word of God, what it says about me, is what matters. So you can go there in general, and and that's awesome. But I think with your name, there's something really powerful where you go, Well, that's that's like me. Like I was named Charles before I did anything. So that means if I receive what the Lord is saying to me through the name of Jesus, that I am free, not because of my work, not because of anything done, but because he said so, you know, and then I received that. Ooh, that that transformed your heart. And like you said, now I can live into it. And I see guys light up when I and it takes sometimes it takes some work. It's not everybody has a freebie like that, you know. Um, but I've there, I've got a young man that I I worked with recently. He told me this happened to him. He did not know the Lord uh most of his life, but in in college, like me, uh the light came on, and he said he his name is Emmanuel. He didn't know his whole life what that word, what that name meant, you know. He said that um he had a guy come to him and say, Hey, you do you know what your name means? He said, No, no, I don't know what it means. It means God with you. Well, this guy, this young man with that name, Emmanuel, uh, proceeded to tell a story uh fitting for your podcast that he hasn't known his dad his whole life. Um, because when he was um real little, his father committed suicide. And he said in that moment when he heard that, it was like everything uh came back that God has been with me my entire life. I mean, isn't that awesome? And now he gets to wear that, not because if he's done anything right or anything, but because he's gone, that's my name. Now, I'm not saying that's the only thing you need to do is a disciple Jesus and stay outside the word, but I'm just saying as an illustration, as a powerful metaphor for the gospel, your name, something that's given to you. And so I think that's a big part of that speaking your purpose. Own who you are, so then you can say, All right, now, what does he want me to go and do to serve others? And I would say for him, hey, if God's with you, he's got a purpose for you, he wants you to be his vessel, you know, and go share with others.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. Um, a couple of months ago, I had Robert Lewis um on the podcast. He's 76 years old and arguably has discipled millions and millions of people. And I asked him the following question: What does every son need to hear from their father? He said, That's easy. He has a big, beautiful, grandfatherly smile. He said, The blessing. I was like, What's the blessing? He said, Every man I know that has not had the blessing, spoken over his life, there's something missing. Well, what's the blessing? He said, Every man needs to hear their father say, You are my son who I love and I'm well pleased. Every man that has not heard these words, something is broken. And as I'm listening to it, I'm like, What do you do if your dad's dead? That was my words. I never met mine. He said, Do you know where he's buried? I was like, I don't, but Gemini does. And so I used Gemini to find my dad's grave within the next couple of weeks, and he told me to just go to it. And so I ended up going to the grave, speaking over the grave. This was March 22nd on my birthday of this year. I put my hands in the dirt, knelt on the ground, never uh there was always an abandonment wound that I carried with me. And as I put my hands in the dirt and started crying, praying, anger coming out, I ended up forgiving him, asking the father to forgive him, bloodlines, curses, whatever things I may not even understand, being just in the Western world. And when I got up, I felt I felt the spirit of abandonment just disappear, and I felt loved. And my there was no more negative narrative over my biological father. And so, for our listeners, what you're hearing Chip say today, what we're hearing my man Charles say today, that you gotta get the blessing. You gotta get the blessing, and you can't let other people and situations define your identity. That is something that only the most high has the right to define you, and so Charles, I want to thank you for sharing that. Um, this is your tricky part. You've got five other skills that you get to choose, or you know, uh letters and skills that you get to choose from. One last one to share, and then I want you to invite those that that may be interested in picking up your book where they can find it.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

Yeah, um, I think I'm gonna go to invest in the one. So invest in the one, that way it'll stay with something we've already been talking about. The value of one, just like that penny, even though it it doesn't seem like it has much value, it sure does. Um, we're discontinuing pennies in in our country, um, something that has happened in other countries, you know, the production, and it's because it costs more to make one than than than a cent now. Um, but uh that still doesn't mean that that that little small coin doesn't have value. And so if you think about one, if one of the greatest practices that you can do is to wake up every day and say, Lord, would you put one person in my life that I can invest in today? And because when you ask God that, it it makes you centered on the value of individuals, not just like these this kind of group of people that I'm around or this uh crowd that I might be in. And certainly it also doesn't make you just just uh thinking about yourself. You're thinking about how can I help one other person. And I've seen him answer that prayer over and over and over, and it and I'm sure it was there before the opportunity, but that prayer makes me open up my eyes up and look, and so invest in the one. What we mean is take your talents, gifts, abilities, whatever you got, and just invest them in this one person in front of you. Maybe it's your wife, maybe it's your kids, maybe it's the your coworker, but see them as individuals who have world-changing value, and then do something. Love them, uh, encourage them, um, write them a note, uh, whatever it may be, but expect God's going to put that person in your heart in your life. The share, the, the sharing later about the message of Jesus, which is the last skill, I believe happens because you have been doing that intentionally. You've been investing in people, however, God uh shows you to do so, and then you will actually have the opportunity to share the message of Jesus at some point, but it doesn't start with words, usually not for me. It starts with actions, with care, uh, with love, and and you it is a it is a healing process to just empty yourself out for someone else, and he'll he'll show you even more your purpose as you do that.

SPEAKER_02 42:29

Yeah, can you think of somebody that you intentionally practiced this um skill on?

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Yeah, um the one one of the ones that that was just really cool for me was I was a strength conditioning coach. So again, when I was not a vocational minister at uh Winthrop University back in South Carolina, I was praying that prayer, and God sent this young man into the weight room who's a uh great soccer player, wasn't one of my athletes. He was actually already graduated, just came in, just was working out as an alumni. And uh I went over to him and was like, Hey, what are you doing, man? He said, I I just come back every now and then to work out. It's okay. We struck up a conversation, and granted, there was a lot, there's there was some life that was lived between these big highlights in the story, but we got to know one another, and I ended up sharing the gospel with him. He ends up um becoming a Christian, getting involved in a local church there. I leave that area. Years later, I find out that the church that he got involved with that we were part of there decides to link up with him to go back to his home country, which happens to be Kenya, and has started a huge mission work impacting millions of people, I think, you know, all over the all over that um that continent now because of this one guy, because he's so influential. And here, I had no idea. This one guy just stumbled in the weight room, and I really believe it's because I had my eyes open um because I was trying to invest in this one, you know. And uh I'm not saying it has to be that dramatic, but that dramatic one like made me believe in the process where I'm going. Okay, you never know uh who's in front of you. Um, but let me make sure I double down and say don't look past your wife, don't look past your husband, don't look past your child, your your um your father, your mother, whomever, because there are ones right there in front of you, too, um, that you want to make sure that you uh see, see their value.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

I appreciate you sharing that, and I just want to make a full circle on the name Charles. We all know that Charles Spurgeon might be, you know, the prince of all preachers, and we know that Charles Xavier, you know, runs an academy for extraordinary individuals with superpowers. And you, my friend, God is placed inside of the strength and conditioning, the sports world to make an impact uh on the world. So I appreciate your story and your skills and your time today. If somebody's wanting to pick up and learn more about how to practice these skills and learn that they're actually made to win, where can they pick up a copy of your book?

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Yeah, it's always easy to just go Amazon, of course, for a lot of us, uh, if you just want to grab one. But uh what we'd love to do is um make sure that listeners have an easy way uh to get it for themselves and others um really cheap. And uh so our publishers uh running a promotion through Oaks Press. And so I think we're gonna put that uh in the show notes to make sure there's a link there uh that folks can get the book basically for free, just pay shipping and bulk orders. I mean, you get a whole bunch of them just for uh pretty cheap with shipping costs. So either way, if you want to just go grab on Amazon or go to Oakspress.com.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Awesome. And we'll make sure we put that link in the show notes. And with all the AI and the Google technology, you can definitely uh search and find if you're if you're looking for it. And then Chip, uh it's been a blessing to have you on the day. I want you to give a final um I don't know, benediction or kind of a word for any dude who grew up without a father, they're looking for identity, they're looking for purpose, they found this video on YouTube or you know through a podcasting platform, and they're just processing and thinking about the father wound in their own life. Can you give them some hope or encouragement as we close out today's time?

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yeah, the thing the world wants to tell you, maybe your past wants to tell you, your mistakes wants to tell you that you should not expect to win. Uh, there's a number of reasons that the enemy wants to throw at you. But I love uh Zig Ziggler has a quote you were born to win, but to be a winner, you need to plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win. I think that expectation is huge, especially for us as believers, because if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, he says that you can ask and he'll give it to you. The Holy Spirit, his presence. And if he wants to give you his presence with you, then you better believe he wants you to win, he wants you to be the best that he that you can be. So I want you to hear you were made to win, expect it. Now step into it, just take the next step to become who he's made you to be.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Yeah, thank you so much for that, Charles. And I'm gonna pray for you, our guest that's listening. So hang out, and I'm gonna pray just a prayer that you can pray with me. And if you feel far from God, but you want to know him, you want to experience his love, his kindness, his goodness, his grace, his forgiveness, I invite you to close your eyes. You know, unless you're driving, you need to pull over and stop, pause the podcast. And I want you to pray this prayer from the inside of your head and your heart and just crowd to God and say, Father, I thank you so much for loving something like me. I don't exactly know what I'm asking for, but I know that I'm looking for a right relationship with you. And so today I ask that you forgive me of all my sins and help me to come into your kingdom. And it's in your precious son's name we pray. Amen. Charles, until next time. Peace.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Forgiveness is more for you than that. I had inner peace for the first time in my life. It's just me for just Jesus.