From Gang Life to Gospel Truth: The Redemption Story of Gabriel Nieves

hey good job son you know good job you've done great and even though that's not what they were really saying but that was that void at that time you know that that i needed to be filled and and these guys filled it and i i sooner than later man i at the age of i was running with gang members and Fun and games at first, you know, but you just just some of the things that I was that I'm ashamed of today, you know, that I was involved in that I never thought I would actually be participating. You know, I did, you know, and and that was just my life was just spiraling downhill very quick, you know, full blown gang member, almost looking at a life sentence, you know, but until Jesus got a hold of me. Let's go. That's just kind of one of those things. Obviously, there's a lot of in between detail and stuff like that, you know, but like I like I shared with you earlier, man, I wish I can tell you my story was a unique one, you know, but it really isn't, man. And that's I think that's the. That's a drive now. Like, well, I don't want these stories to repeat themselves, you know? Yeah, that's good. And unless we do something about it or be there for our youngsters, our youth, what's going to happen? You know, the stories are going to keep repeating themselves. Yeah. And and there's a lot of work to do in front of us. And that's why God has put it on my heart, your heart and other dudes who grew up without a dad to teach dudes how to be the dad they never had. Yeah. And so we want to create as much ruckus as possible to turn it up and to create shorts and, you know, Jesus says, follow me. I will make you fishers of men. He didn't say, I'd make you a pastor. He didn't say, I'd make you a missionary. He said, I'd make you a human being on mission. And I think the place that God has called us to is our mission field is America. And there's a lot of dudes who are growing up and have no clue what a dad is even supposed to look like. Absolutely. And so let's go ahead and get into it. Why don't we start off with your first and last name and tell me where you're from. Yeah, I'm Gabriel Nieves. I am from the city of Santa Ana, the beautiful city of Santa Ana in California. Yeah, well, let's go back. Let's start. If I was able to jump and take a picture of your childhood, tell me what it looks like. Well, you know, my mom... My mom came to this country in hopes of a better life for me. She was pregnant when she was very young. I think she was about twenty years old, you know, and my biological father was a married man. So soon my mom just said, hey, I want nothing to do with him. She happens to come to the United States, you know, excuse me. And I was born here. I'm what you call imported goods, I guess. You know, I was born and born here in nineteen eighty one. You know, I wish I can tell you I remember it like it was yesterday. But, you know, I do remember stuff from my childhood. about the age of four years old, my mom introduced this man into my life, which is my dad, my stepdad. And I just remember, even now I can kind of get glimpse of it, you know, getting older and you can tell some of the stuff is just fading, man. But I remember I just wanted to... be embraced by this man. Like, I was excited. Like, man, I got a dad now, you know? Like, I can just remember thinking of that. Like, even at this young age, you know? And I just remember just that changed very quick, you know, by the age of like five years old, six years old. I just remember, man. This man that I called dad was a full-blown alcoholic. He was very physically violent towards my mom, and that kind of became the norm. I just kind of would just... One day, I didn't know this was going to happen, but I just remember at night, I would just put the blankets over my head while he was just... beating on my mom getting getting violent with my mom and i just remember thinking to myself one day i'm gonna be a big old dude man and i'm gonna protect my mom from any man i had no idea i was gonna be about six three one of the biggest mexicans probably in my neighborhood but I just remember, man, this happened a lot. Obviously, I'm going to fast forward, you know, just very dysfunctional home, always wanting to just get away. from the house because there was nothing but chaos in my home. There was never any type of order. You know, we were always moving. No stability, just moving from one apartment complex to the next, to the next. And this this kept happening, man, my whole youth up into my early teenage years. You know, I was about thirteen years old. I think we had moved into every apartment complex on the block because they kept evicting us because my dad's alcoholic problem. He would never pay the rent on time and stuff like that. there was just no stability you know and um i just remember i we end up moving with my aunt i think all the doors had finally closed except hers we moved in with her and that's where um i want to say my life took a drastic change i wish i could tell you for the good but it was for the worse i had a couple i had an older cousin and i had another younger cousin that were involved, man, with gangs and they were already using drugs and stuff like that. And we know what the Bible says. And I wanna say, what is that? Proverbs, man. It talks to us about how bad company corrupts good morals. Not that I had the best morals going on, but some of this stuff they were involved in, man, I was kind of blinded to, you know? And but, you know, I just curiosity got the best of me, man. I ended up just starting to go away with them, sneak out with them. And and next thing you know, I was just running with these guys, you know, and I just remember getting in a fight one day. It was about the eighth grade. And it's like. All this stuff I had carried inside, man, all this hurt because, you know, the way I grew up, I was never really allowed to share my emotions with anyone. I couldn't go to my dad and say, hey, man, you're making me feel this way. I couldn't go to my mom and tell her how I was feeling. So I felt like I was just I was forced to put a callous around my feelings just so I couldn't show them to anybody. so i'll never forget that's why i i never forget when one of these guys actually celebrated me for getting in a fight you know and that's when it changed for me i was like man i want to continue to make these guys proud and these were full-blown gang members you know but i didn't see them as gang members i seen them as just like like role models so to speak i seen them as older people that paid attention to me, you know? And I just began to want to make these guys proud and I started running with them. And next thing you know, man, you're just, it's just, the devil just comes, man, to steal, kill and destroy, man. He just, he took me right in, you know? And I started just doing things like I told you that I never thought I would, you know, do. So that's pretty much, In a glimpse, man, if I take you to my childhood, man, it just I got involved in gangs at a real young age because I wanted to make my dad proud. But I don't think it came from the home. So I made someone else proud, which happened to be an older gang member. Yeah. you know prior to getting involved in the gang how would you define your relationship with your alcoholic father you know um i think there really wasn't one you know i would try to avoid him all the time i would try to um Talk back. You know, like I said, when I was a kid, I was terrified of him. I was just like, man, like, I can't. If I talk back, he's going to smack me or something. So it was more like a like a fear, an unhealthy fear. So I would just stay quiet, you know. But I would I would remember, man, just watching him. It's sad because I knew how many beers he would have to drink until we started changing. So I remember counting like, oh, man, he's only had two. He's still he's OK. I can kind of have a conversation with him, you know. But then once that fourth and fifth beer, I just knew he was a totally different type of man, you know. And by the way, this man that I'm talking about. I have an amazing relationship with him now, man. He's following Jesus. That's a miracle in itself, how the Lord has restored this relationship. But he's sober now. But I wanted to just put that out there because when we look at his life, it's a miracle, man, what the Lord did in his life. But yeah, there was really no relationship there. So what about your mom? How would you define your relationship with her in childhood? Yeah. So I think my mom was, um, She did the best that she could with the I want to say with the cars that she was dealt. Right. I felt like she had already failed in one relationship. So she just because I always try to even I asked her like now we can talk about it. Right. I tell my mom, why did you stick around through this abusive relationship, you know? And I think she said she was just hoping that my dad was going to change. And she was just hoping she didn't want to start over, you know. So why she stuck around, I don't know. But I remember I was able to talk to her about certain things, you know. But I was forced to grow up way too fast where it was kind of like. well, that's my mom, you know, but I don't really talk to her about this type of stuff. So I think my mom's love, she's always done the best that she could do to love on me and stuff like that. But I don't think I really, I don't think I trusted her, if I'm going to be honest with you. because of everything I have gone through. I think it was more like, well, you know, we don't know how to communicate some of these feelings, but it was kind of like, I guess you can say I had trust issues, man. I was like, man, what's going to happen if I trust her? Is she going to let this guy hit me? So I started just kind of sticking to myself a little bit. Wow. Once joining the gang, it sounds like you found an identity as what it looked like to be a man. Why don't you unpack what it looked like in your head to be a man? Once you discovered being life, describe it to me. Absolutely, man. So I think, um, this is very important, man. Um, you know, the Bible shares that my people perish because they have no vision, you know? And at the age of thirteen, I remember I had a vision. The vision I had was these guys were about, I want to say they were about eighteen years old, so You might not think five years is a big difference. Now it's not. Like somebody's, I'm forty three, somebody's forty eight. I'm kind of like, it's not a big deal. You know, we're kind of the same age, you know. But when you're thirteen years old and someone's eighteen years old, that is a huge difference, you know. And these guys had already been to jail. They had already been some of them had had a couple of prison terms already. So I will remember looking at these guys like, man, I want to be just like them. I want to have all the tattoos that they have. I want to just, man, look at like it's like they don't fear anything. And just the way they carried themselves, you know, little did I know they were broken people just like I was. But, you know, we put up a good front when you're in that lifestyle. You put up a real good front there. And I know the vision I had for my life, sad to say, was I was either going to be dead by the time I was eighteen years old or I was going to be in prison for a very long time because of something I did. And I had made myself to believe I had accepted this like, OK, this is my destiny. This is what's going to happen. I'm going to either kill somebody because I was involved in gangs or somebody is going to kill me. and sad to believe that's what that that's exactly the vision i had for my life yeah um when you go back to that time and think about it what's the dumbest thing that you did when you belong to a gang i think one of the dumbest things i think i i did was um keep drugs in my home. And the reason I say, I think one of the dumbest things, I mean, I've done plenty of dumb and stupid things, man, but, um, it was because I had little brothers in my house, man. You know, and for some reason I was so blinded thinking that they didn't know I was under the influence because by the time I was fifteen years old, man, I was addicted. I was full blown addicted to marijuana, to crack, to crystal meth, just whatever, anything we can get our hands on. We're an experiment test in the neighborhood. You know, here's this, you know. So I was very into drugs, man. And I would keep that stuff in the house, you know, and just thinking that. What could happen if one of my younger siblings got a hold of it? We've heard of tragedies, man, stuff that happens. But that's one of the dumbest things, if I can tell you the truth. It was just keeping drugs inside my home that can really hurt my siblings. Why is that a bad practice? What makes that foolishness? Well, because, man, you don't really value life. I think it's foolishness because just like me at that young age, I didn't know how much was enough. We weren't measuring this stuff. It wasn't prescribed or anything. We would just take as much as we wanted until we felt the effects of it. You know, so I think within time you build up a tolerance, but man, one of these kids gets there, gets a hold on it and it can be devastating. You know, it can really do some damage. So I think for the simple reason that you can literally take a life, you know, somebody can overdose very quick. And I know many people that have overdosed because of drugs. when you look back, where would be your rock bottom spot? You know, where it's like at this moment is rock bottom. Yeah. Rock bottom was at the age of twenty years old. You know, I was arrested. My house where I lived, where I kept the drugs, you know, we got raided. And two weeks prior to that, I remember there was a There was an altercation that I got involved in, you know, some rival gang members. And I just remember like it was yesterday. I got in a gang shootout with this guy. I ended up shooting this guy. He falls to the ground and I flee the scene thinking everything was... I had some glasses like yours thinking, oh man, I'm going to be undercover now, man. They're not going to know who I am. And drugs will make you think the weirdest things, man. But... I they quickly got to me, you know, they found out where I lived and my house was raided and I was taken to the county jail age of twenty. And I just remember, man, like. Thinking they don't have nothing on me, not really knowing the seriousness of this crime, you know, and I was like, I didn't do anything anyway. You know, deny, deny, deny, you know, and what ended up happening, man, I remember after about a month of being in there, I think all the drugs have worn out and I was kind of faced with this reality like, hey, you're in here because you shot somebody. But I still didn't, I don't think I understood the seriousness of the crime because I was like, well, it's not like anybody died, you know, trying to soften it up. Well, I remember going to court. This was my rock bottom, man. I just remember going to court and my public defender tells me, Because I'm in there and I'm like, hey, you know what, man? I'll air again and stuff. I'll sign fifteen years right now. Give me whatever time you have. Let me go upstate. I'm doing the math. Right. I'll be thirty five by the time I get out. I'll have respect in my neighborhood. I'll graduate. I'll get free tattoos. I'll be somebody. I'm thinking this in my mind. Right. At twenty years old. Let's get this. Let's not play the games anymore. Just give me my time. And she thought I was playing, but I was dead serious, man. And when she finally seen how serious I was, she said, Gabriel, I don't think you understand the seriousness of your crime. You try to kill a human being. The state of California is going to give you a life sentence. You're going to spend the rest of your life in prison. And now life seemed like a long time. I was like, oh man. I don't think I was ready for a life sentence. I was ready for fifteen, twenty years, maybe. But now when they said a life sentence, I just felt like the life was sucked out of me, man. And I just didn't even know how to process that because this is my public defender, the person that's supposed to advocate for me saying, you're going to spend the rest of your life in jail, Gabriel. You better start getting comfortable here. And it was like, oh my God, man. So all of a sudden, right? Oh my God, man, what would have happened? So I just, I think that was my rock bottom. When they told me that I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison, I just, I was devastated. I hit rock bottom. Yeah, that was my rock bottom. Where'd you go from there? What changed? So what ended, the power of the gospel, man. So what happens? So, and I left this part out, man. When I was about thirteen, even though I had joined a gang and stuff like that at the age of fourteen, I got involved with a youth group, you know? I had a love for the game of basketball, and that was like my scapegoat, man. Always, you know, what would you do to stay away from home and stuff? I would go play basketball all the time, go to the parks and stuff like that, and stay out late, you know? So I met this friend named Kobe, you know? And I remember they were churchgoers, they were believers, born again believers, man. And I remember one day where I was at his house and they invited me to church, you know. And I went, well, let's go. I don't want to go home. I don't care where we're going. So we go to church and I've never experienced even till today what I've experienced that day. It was just the peace, the joy, the power of of the gospel, the love, you know, what a church should be. You know, when people come in through those doors, I just felt this embrace. And I remember, man, wanting to go back. Hey, when we're going to church again, this place makes me feel amazing. So I'm a little hoodlum kid like myself, and I wasn't judged. I just felt such a peace, and I ended up getting saved, man. I remember they gave an altar call one day, and I just responded. I didn't even know what I was doing. I just said, I want Jesus. Like this guy says that Jesus can take the pain, the hurt. I want that bargain, you know, because everything that I've been holding on to, man, brokenness, you know. So I end up getting saved. Obviously, I didn't have a foundation at home and neighborhood and stuff like that happened. So. So I knew about the gospel. I was involved with this youth group about fourteen years, fourteen, fifteen years old. Here and there I would go, you know. So shout out to all the youth pastors out there, man. Don't give up. You keep sharing Jesus, man. So I end up anyways, I end up getting saved. Right. So now. And I'm going to share this, man, because it's very important. His mom, which is my spiritual mom, is Mary. Every time, dude, I would run into her because they lived in my neighborhood, the area that I would run. I would run into her. I'm talking about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years old. I would just run into her here and there when I wasn't in jail. And she would always tell me, Gabriel. God has a plan for your life, you know. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. I know, Miss Mary. I know. You know, let's try to ignore her, you know. But she was like a straight up Jesus freak, man. I was like, man, this lady is too much, you know. So anyways, fast forward. I'm in the county jail. I just found out I'm looking at a life sentence to you. And what ends up happening, man, they take me back to my cells and I would see this guy, dude, with a Bible, you know, walking around in the jail. And I used to think that used to get me so upset, Josh, because I used to think like, that guy's such a hypocrite, man. How can you come to jail and pick up a Bible? That guy's just afraid. He's hiding behind the shield is what they call it in there. And I mean, I remember I used to tell myself, if that guy ever talks to me, dude, I'm going to let him have it. And I was a very violent man. I used to look kind of scarier than I do now. But I was just like I was into intimidating people, so to speak, you know. And I remember, bro, this guy, sure enough, came straight towards me. And I remember I was like, oh, here's my chance. And I just remember just letting them have it, dude. Because he comes up to me, says, hey, what's up, man? Do you know who Jesus is or something like that, you know, or God bless or God loves you, brother. And I was like, he's not talking to me. No, there's no way. And sure enough, bro, he was talking to me. There was no one behind me. And he just ends up sharing a couple of Bible verses, you know, and I just let him have it, bro. I'll just start cussing at him and just being being foul with this dude, bro. Just thinking like, how dare you talk to me about Jesus in a place like this? you know? As a matter of fact, you know what, dude? I've already tried your Jesus when I was and it's like I gave this dude fire, bro. When I told him I already tried your Jesus, he was like, oh, so you belong to God already? So you just backslid? Man, this dude doesn't care. What are you talking about, bro. I backslid. Bro, he just starts divine appointment, man. He just starts talking to me about this prodigal son. The crazy part, dude, I was so zapped to him. I couldn't shake him even after I thought I was going to get him away with my words, my harsh words. I didn't beat on him or nothing, but it's just kind of like thought I was just going to intimidate him. man, this guy wasn't going nowhere, man. And I remember when he shared about this story, man, he shared these words with me at the end. He said, Gabriel, God has a plan for your life. And when he shared that, dude, I made the connection with what Ms. Mary had always been telling me when I would run into her in the streets about God's plan for my life. And I was like, man, does this dude know Ms. Mary? There's no way this dude knows Ms. Mary, dude, you know? And bro, I was just intrigued by that because I respected Ms. Mary so much. I just was running from her because I was really running from God, right? And sure enough, dude, I end up just asking this dude, like, but what do I do now, bro? Like, look, my life is over. I'm going to spend the rest of my life in jail. I'm going to, bro, I'm through is what I tried to tell him. And he was just smiling like, bro, but what if you're not? What if God has a different plan? And, bro, he just started praying, Lord, keep this man. Lord, protect this man and make yourself real in this man's life. He gave me a Bible. The last thing I ever thought I would read, bro. He gives me a Bible and he says, get to know who Jesus is. And I'm trying to hide the Bible. I'm like, bro, you can't let the guy see me with a Bible in here, though. That's a sign of weakness, you know? And he said, but look, the spiritual battle has begun now. And I'm like, what? Well, I know, man. I know we're in a war zone. I get it. We're in jail. I got it. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's inside your heart. There's two voices that are going to be cracking. Two packs of dogs are going to go at it. The good and the bad. Which ones are going to win, Gabriel? And I'm like, well, the good ones, of course, dude. He's like, nope. All right, I guess the bad ones. There's some bad dogs, right? And he was like, no, the ones you feed the most. Feed the good dogs, get the word of God in you. And bro, I began to do exactly that. And what the Bible says, when he will transform you from the inside out, began to naturally happen to me, dude. It just, I even forgot I was looking at a life sentence. I didn't even care, bro. I had inner peace for the first time in my life. And, dude, I just began to understand what I was reading, bro. I was like, what in the world? How does this Bible know what I'm going through, you know? And I just began to fall in love with God's word, man. Yeah. you know? And that's where the change just began to happen. It just began to naturally happen. And exactly what the Bible tells us, man, when something starts happening in here, you can't keep it in. It just starts naturally coming out, dude. And I was in there, bro. And the little Jesus that I knew, I began to share with these hopeless inmates, you know? Tell you something, bro. I didn't even know how to pray, dude. I would just talk to God like, hey, you know, like, Look out for me and stuff, you know? Like I didn't know how to, but it was coming from a genuine place. You know, and I remember these guys were like, Gabriel, can you pray for us? Inmates were asking if I could pray for them. And I was like, yeah, bro, let's see. And I would just put a big old hand on a man and just God just bless this person. Give him peace. You know, make him read your Bible. And bro, next thing you know, man, I was in what you call a sixty five man tank. testimony to God bro about a month after praying for people I had the whole tank in there holding hands just praying calling out to Jesus man so this work just began to naturally come out dude you know how they say I don't know if you heard it out there bro but they say that you should lock up Christians man for the first three years of their life because they're crazy dude well bro i was in there dude and i literally had a captive audience dude we were all incarcerated and that was my mission field bro it was it was just like i have to make jesus known to every inmate that comes through these doors man you know so god got a hold of me there man just through the simple obedience of a person saying hey i'm gonna share jesus with this guy yeah Hey, we've got a listener right now that's listening and your story is his story. What do you want him to know? I want him to know, man, that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly, man, anything that you can ever imagine, you know, because not because of who we are, what we've been through, but because of what he who he is, you know, and that was amazing. The thing that I did, I didn't know anything about Jesus, about this Bible, but one thing I did know was that The Bible is real. I began to read it. And what you read begins to transform your life from the inside out. So read your word, man. Let God speak to you through the word, you know. And if you don't know how to pray, just pray like I did, because it's not the words that God is hearing. It's what's coming from the heart, because sometimes you don't know, brother. We don't even know how to get them out. But God knows what we're going through. God understands every pain, every teardrop. So my thing is don't don't give up on God because he hasn't gave up on you. But Gabriel, you don't know my story. You don't know what I've done. I understand that. But God does, bro. god knows exactly what you've done and he still loves you he loves you that way i try to kill a human being man something that i have to live with the rest of my life the shameful stuff but when i came to jesus i understood Why the Bible says the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God. This is a gift from God, man. And that's what grace is. I understood this grace. I didn't earn it. God gave it to me, you know? So I understand, man. And there's two voices you gotta learn to listen to in your mind. Because look, there's a voice of condemnation exactly that's gonna tell you, man, you're no good. Look at what you've done. That voice of condemnation comes from the devil, man. Learn how to identify these voices because there's gonna be a voice of conviction That comes from God because it's going to draw you to God, to the cross, you know? So I had to learn how to identify these voices, and I still do today because some of the stuff I did when I was young, man, there's certain times that I'm like, oh, my God, how did I ever do that, you know? But then I understand, okay, Lord, but I've been forgiven. I've been forgiven by you. So don't ever think you've done too much, man. What would you have me to do if I want to get right with God? I would have you simply just confess to the Lord what you've done to him, him alone. And there's this fancy word that people use a lot of the times, repent. Well, what does that mean? Simply turn away from what you were doing. Let it start today. You know, you you ask God for forgiveness. But what's the fruit of that? You not doing that again. OK, Lord, from this point forward, I'm going to find myself a local church. I'm going to find myself somebody that I know that is connected to Jesus and tell him that I want to learn more about him, you know, because that's where I think that's where it starts, man. Don't isolate yourself because the devil wants you by yourself, man. What's at stake? What if I say no? Well, if you say no, man, first things first, there's going to be so much heartache. If you think this is rock bottom, it's really not. You know? It's really not. And if you're probably like, how can my life get much worse? You know? Sometimes I wonder, you know, because I got family members and people that for whatever reason, they don't want to surrender their life to Jesus. They say no, you know, and you just see the heartache. You see the pain, you know, but ultimately, man, there is a place that God didn't prepare for us. You know, and it is a place called hell that a lot of people don't like to talk about, you know, but that wasn't. But there's a better place that God through Jesus wants us to go to. So ultimately, what's at stake, man, is our eternal destination. What does life look like today for Gabriel? Oh, man, where do I start? You know what? Today, man, only by the grace of God. I'm real good friends with the person that I shot. God was able to reconcile that relationship we met. God has called me to the ministry. I'm one of the pastors at Hope Alive Church in the city of Santa Ana. And I've been married for twenty two years. That is a miracle in itself, man. And, you know, I have three beautiful kids, you know, an eighteen year old, a seventeen year old and a fourteen year old baby girl, man. She's I still call her my baby girl. And, you know, I remember my spiritual mom is Mary would tell me, man, when she see me, my wife and the kids like, Man, God does do-overs, huh, Gabriel? Because just being able, you know, to be part of my kids' lives, it's a miracle in itself for me, you know? But yeah. I think today, you know, just being able to give back, you know, a lot of the times that's my that's my heart, man. A lot of the times, just any opportunity I have to work with youth, you know, I have that desire to go. You know, my senior pastor, Tommy Cota, till this day, you know, he's still doing high school Bible clubs, you know. And we're getting older in the ministry. We're like, man, some of you youngsters, man, the harvest is ready. Come on. But, you know, I'll tell you the truth, man. It's just it's just an amazing ministry being able to pour into young young lives, you know. So good. What do you have or what advice would you give to a dad who never had a dad? Yes. Just remember what the psalmist said there in Psalm sixty eight, that he is a father to the fatherless, you know. That's who Jesus is, man. That's who our heavenly father is to us. He's a father to the fatherless, man. And just remember that God can still use you in spite of your past. God can still use you. Yes, we might not be able to change our past. Yes, my youth years were robbed, you know, but there was a point where I was either going to be a victim or Well, I was going to be a victor in Jesus name. Right. Victorious. And I chose to I was terrified. It's a real thing, man. PTSD, brother, is real. You know, and I remember when my wife first told me that she was pregnant. Two thousand six, man. Oh, two thousand five. But my son came in two thousand six. I was terrified. You would think you tell a normal person that you're going to be a dad. All right, bro. Can't wait. You know, we celebrate life now. You know, people tell us in the ministry, young parents and stuff like that. But to me, dude, I was so terrified because of the stuff I went through as a kid. I was like, man, is history going to repeat itself? I know I belong to God, but man, I got some stuff I went through. And what if I'm like my dad? I start having these fears, right? But I thank God for the seasoned men in my life. I brought these fears to them. They prayed for me. And yeah, I mean, I like to say we did an OK job with Nathan, man, my oldest. But just those fears, man, identifying who they come from. I think they come from, we know, the enemy of our lives. If you were to sit down today with your eight-year-old self, what would you tell him about the future? I would probably pull his ears. I'm just kidding. But if I sat down with an eight-year-old Gabriel, I would probably, man... give him a big hug i would give him a big hug and i would tell him that i loved him i would tell him that i was proud of him even though he gets me upset i would embrace him and i would tell him like it's gonna be okay gabriel it's gonna be okay so good when you speak that, it's at the root of every one of our listeners and every dude who grew up without a dad. It really is that deep desire to feel the embrace of a loving father. Yeah. Do you think healing is possible for dudes who didn't have that growing up? And where can they go to get that? Yeah, I honestly do think it's possible, brother. I think that it's it's a process, though. OK, even till today now, I'm I'm a I'm a teddy bear, what they call. Right. But, dude, when I was in my twenties, you know, growing up, I was a very you couldn't hug me, dude. because it was kind of like, hey, what's up, bro, back up. Like we don't hug around here, you know? And the Lord blessed me with these kids that just hug you and kiss you and just everywhere, man. And you're just like, oh man, you know, I'm not used to all this contact, dude, you know? But healing is possible. And God will use, in my life, God used my beautiful wife, you know, through that process. And he also used my children, you know, through that process to help me heal, you know. But if people don't have that, at the end of the day, honestly, man, the healing comes from the healer himself. You know, the more I got to know Jesus, the more I began to seek after him. He supernaturally began to heal these areas in my life, you know? So I think, yeah, but healing is possible. Absolutely, man. I want to, this is my closing thought or conversation. You mentioned earlier in your story that I think you have a relationship with your father today that God has restored. But would it be safe to say there was a moment of time where you hated him? Oh, yeah, man. I hated my dad up until the point I gave my life to Jesus. You know, I didn't even call him that. I would just respect him. I would by the time I was seventeen, even though he was he was a complete drunk, he would fear me because of the person I had became, you know. So, yeah, there was so much hate in there, so much hate for this man because of the the pain he caused when I was growing up. How do you feel about him now? I give him a big kiss every time I can. He's not much of a hugger either, but I love it. My kids, dude, if you don't hug my kids, it's like, what's wrong with this person? But they hug on grandpa and whatever. My relationship with him now, man, because of Jesus, it's what a son and a father should be at this stage of life. He's older, he's retired, he's about to retire. But his his love languages work. So I know he won't till this day. He won't come out and tell the Lord still working on him, but he won't come out and say, hey, Gabriel, I love you, son. You know, I just love. But you know what he'll do? He'll show up to my house and just start building things, man, and just start just working on things. But it's his love. I've learned how to like. He's really here because he's like, man, I love you, son. You know, so my wife sometimes like, that's a little too much love. Can he leave? Because he's always he has half built projects everywhere around my house. But it's a great it's a great relationship with him now, man. And, you know, I'll be honest with you, man. With the same love that I was comforted with, I'm able to comfort others because God forgave me, man. He forgave this wretched murderer, man, because that's what I was trying to do and and had mercy on me. Who am I to withhold that from anybody? Yeah. So that's kind of like when it came to my dad, it was kind of like I had to get to this point of where I even though he didn't ask me for forgiveness, I forgave him, you know. Before we jumped on, you sent me a link to a song. Oh, yeah. Don't ask me to sing it. Can you tell me a little bit about it? And then if anybody wants to maybe listen to anything you may have produced, let them know where to go. Absolutely, man. So I sent you a song, right, that it's called It Ain't Easy. And the reason I wrote that song, man, was because, like I told you earlier, I wish that my story was a unique one, you know. But there are so many kids that we get to minister on a weekly basis that that is their cry. Like, OK, Gabriel, you're saying I can be married. I can have a wife like you have one. but I'm going through so much pain, so much struggles. Man, guys are dying in my street. These bullets are flying in my neighborhood and innocent bystanders are being shot. I feel like God doesn't hear people in my community or if he does, Why does everything look like this? So in the chorus, so that's kind of like the first verse was just this kid just crying out like, all right, you want to come at me with your Bible stuff? Let me tell you my reality. Tell me how that Bible stuff is going to work in my reality. So that was kind of like that first verse. And then the chorus was just like, giver of peace, reveal yourself to them, please. Because it's going to take a miracle for this kid to know that you love him because of everything he's seen in his community. You know, so that's just kind of like me because I don't have super. I can't change anybody. I go to the one who can, you know, and we introduce the one who can to as many people as we possibly can. So with that, but then the second verse says, I'm calling out the church, man. What are you guys doing about it though? We have hope. We have, man, we have the remedy. And we're staying in the church thinking, oh, let's just keep building it nicer. They're going to come. They're going to come. And I'm like, you got to take a look around, man. We're losing them one by one. So it's just kind of an encouragement to my brothers. They're a little jab like, man, let's be about it. Let's not just talk about it. And it's in obviously with a nice little West Coast beat over it just to get the listener kind of to think about it. But that's the message in it, man. You know, the message is just this. Keep giving them Jesus. You know, one of our one of our. the ministry that when we go out to the high schools, what we call it is making much of Jesus simply. That's it. Let's just make much of Jesus wherever we go, man, make much of Jesus, you know? So that's it, man. Gabriel, you have been an absolute champion. Pleasure, grace, minister of love, of hope. Thank you for sharing your story on the Dudes Without Dads podcast. Absolutely. You are a beautiful human being. You're an example of what God can do to a life that says yes to him. Yeah, this is a quote. It's like he is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. You're an example, man. I'm proud of you. Thank you, brother. And I want to be more like you. So thank you for what you're doing. Well, thank you for thank you for getting Lord being obedient to the vision God gave you, man. Know that your work is not in vain, my brother, you know. And hey, if we can one by one, bro, that's it. If one person, man, is like, dude, I want. OK, I see hope. I see hope, you know, it's all worth it, man. Well, let's be about it and not talk about it. We'll see. Love you, my friend. All right. God bless, bro.