He Gave Me His Keys — Four Days Later He Was Gone | Cory's Stor

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I remember a time my dad had just bought this brand new Dodge Ram. Beautiful, beautiful freaking truck. And like within four days of him buying it, he gave me the keys. Like, son, I just want you to have this. And like I'm 19, 20 years old or something like that. And smoking dope and doing all the stuff. And I'm like, hell yeah, let's go. And I remember taking taking that vehicle out, uh, going and partying, and then coming home to find out that my dad was in the hospital because he tried to take a flock.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

My life was just spiraling downhill. Depression, alcoholism, incarceration, deaths by despair. One guy who showed up is just Jesus. If you can give a man clarity and community, he can start to live out his purpose. You can break generational curses of alcoholism.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Welcome to Dudes Without Dads, the show that trains men how to become the dads they never had. Corey, my brother, my friend, welcome to Dudes Without Dads. Let's go. The men listening today, would you mind sharing what city and what state you reside in, or you call home?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Yeah, yeah. So it's actually Concord, North Carolina, the home of uh NASCAR Dale Earnhardt. We have a statue right up the road that's 12 feet tall. People come to lay down at his altar flowers and all kinds of beautiful things. Uh closest thing, like if you've never heard of Concord, it'll be Charlotte. Um, so right outside of Charlotte, the little suburb called Concord.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

If you say something bad about Dale Earnhardt, could you possibly lose your job?

SPEAKER_00 1:38

I won't lose my job. And now 12 years ago, if I was in Canapolis, I might have, uh, because that's his hometown. So so no losing of the job. And unfortunately, NASCAR has kind of lost a lot of its luster. And uh so I'm in no trouble, so I can talk junk about uh the intimidator all I want.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. I thought it'd be fun to go light before we get heavy because today our conversation is is is very heavy. We're gonna get into conversations that I don't think people genuinely or generally talk about out loud and in public. What are the internal, external thoughts that someone has when when their father ends up doing things that you didn't think they would do? And I want to make sure I honor you, I want to make sure I honor his story, y'all's story, and treat it in a sacred man, sacred manner.

unknown 2:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

And so just to start, would you mind um sharing with me how old you were when your father died?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I had just turned 30. So my my birthday, the day he died, or the day before he died, we were going to celebrate my 30th birthday, and he didn't come. So it was May 15th, 2010, and I just turned 30 on May 10th. Had my first kid, just had my first kid. She was like eight months old. So a really, a really uh important time in life when when you need a father for sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Why didn't your father show up to your birthday party?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Uh you're making me go into a mind's eye right there. So we all met at the house and he was upstairs, and uh, because of his mental illness, uh, he had just become very secluded. And so he lived up in the den upstairs and would rarely come outside, and uh he had just become a shell of who he was, so he didn't come.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Um when you look back over the story w with your father, um, what are some of the best memories you have with your dad?

SPEAKER_00 3:59

I remember he used to take me deep sea fishing. Um, so he was a Virginia Beach boy, and I was actually born in Virginia Beach, and uh so he had some friends out there, and we would go out uh deep sea fishing. I remember one time we took uh like our whole family out on one of those little party boat things for deep sea fishing, which is not what we usually took. We usually go on like a you know, maybe a 20-footer or something like that, and uh everybody was yakking because of the waves, and me and him were just out there fishing, catching Kroger and whatever else we were we were catching that day. I was probably seven years old.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Any others?

SPEAKER_00 4:44

No. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Did you live with your dad?

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Yeah, so my mom and dad uh got married. Um they had I think they had gotten pregnant out of wedlock uh with my my sister, and they got married maybe either five months before or five months after. And uh my dad was a contractor, he did sheet rock, and so he was he was there in the household uh up until uh you know, like I said, till 30. My mom and dad never got divorced, um, but he but he wasn't there. Um so he was there physically, he was there uh somewhat monetarily, uh, but emotionally and like relationally, not really, not really present.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

All right, so you're my friend. I love you, you trust me. Yeah, and I'm processing that over the course of let's let's just say 30 years your best memory or like your like hey, your good memories you've got one then what kind of memories do you mainly have with with your father?

SPEAKER_00 6:05

I mean there were times that I would go to work with him and uh but there was no like shaping of an individual. It was come on boy, let's go. Um I always felt like I was in constant disappointment of my father. Um so you know, I remember you know, we we lived in a two-story house, and I could tell we had two two garages. There was a left one, there was a right one. And if the left one got up, if I heard the left one come, like I I was not gonna enjoy what I was doing, I would like go and pretend like I was I was working. Um I didn't see your really healthy marriage um with my parents. My dad was uh not always a good husband. Um so like there's yeah, I I never never had the hey, let's go work on the car. I mean, he coached baseball for me, um but even that was tainted because I have a really bad memory of pitching ball and the thing, and I just felt like I was a constant disappointment.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

How did that shape your identity as a young man? Just growing up to become a teenager, and you know, how did you look at yourself or how did you seek validation or friends? How did that form your identity?

SPEAKER_00 7:40

I was a fearful soul, man, uh chasing approval and whoever would give it to me. Um and so as a kid, you don't really you really don't really know what's happening, what's going on as an eight-year-old, nine-year-old, ten-year-old, you're just living in normality, whatever normality is. Um, but then when you get those formational years of 14, 15 high school, middle school, you're trying to do the things that everybody else is doing to be liked and to be to be, you know, whatever popular is or whatever that is. Um, and so like I I chased whoever would give me approval. And you know, I I lived in fear, I didn't feel like I was approved of, and so I wanted others to approve of me, and that led me into a lot of different directions that weren't good for me.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Just for those that are listening, would you mind sharing examples of what it looked like to look for approval inside of others?

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Drugs, sex, and rock and roll, baby. So um, you know, I just I I didn't hang out with the right friend group. Um, I allowed myself to be beat on verbally. Uh I didn't know how to believe in myself. I didn't know how to to have a right viewpoint of a human being is. I so I was uh I was as the Bible said, I was chaff blowing in the wind. Um, whoever would give me some attention, if it was negative or positive, that's that's where I went. Um, because I didn't know what it was like to be loved by a man. I mean, I knew my father loved me. Uh and I know my father loves me. And I do believe that my father did a 10x better job than his father did. Uh and so I want to I want to do a 100x better than my father did. Can I give some context? Can I get some context there?

SPEAKER_02 9:43

So, like I want to drill down on that if you don't mind. You answered it the way I want wanted you to. I just wanted people that can see that hey, drugs, alcohol, and rock and roll is actually a distraction, an attempt to find identity in something other than I mean, ultimately being found as a loved son, you know. When we're not loved, we chase our identity in other things, period. You nailed it.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

But you didn't wanted to go into the the my father. So like my dad, you know, although he wasn't the father that I needed, he was he was still a good father compared to what he had. He didn't leave, he always provided, he always made sure that we had food on our back, clothes on our belly. And uh the only the only example that I know he had as a father, his name was Turkey. And Turkey Alley was uh in prison till my dad was like 10 years old. And the day he got out of prison, uh he went to a pool bar. Um, and by pool I mean shooting pool, and like ended up losing an argument, losing a bet, and stabbed a guy and went straight back to prison. Um my grandmother, who just recently passed away, his mother, you know, constantly had men in and out of the house. And so, like, you know, for what my dad saw, compared to who my dad was, uh, I give him all the credit in the world. And he fought for his country, he he built a business, um, he taught me how to work hard. Um, but when it comes to like, you know, raising me as a man, that those are things that how to treat a woman, how to love the Lord, uh, those are things he didn't have in his toolbox.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

I appreciate you unpacking that for those who for you, now that you're an adult, which you are, which is hard to believe.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Um I know if you know me, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

You're one of the funniest guys I know. When did you start to realize that there was something up with your father that wasn't normal?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

I said my dad, he was a contractor, and I think you might get this. I mean, in your business, right? I mean, like there are seasons that are much busier than others, feast and famine. And so, like, when business was good, my dad was good. But when business was bad, my dad was bad. And so he what I would say now suffered with really bad bipolar disease, and like so seeing him in the uh holdup in a room in darkness for days at a time was not odd. Um, so formation was 10 years old, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, 18 years old. I remember a time my dad had just bought this brand new Dodge Ram, beautiful, beautiful freaking truck. And like within four days of him buying it, he gave me the keys. He's like, son, I just want you to have this. And like I'm 19, 20 years old or something like that, and smoking dope and doing all this stuff, and I'm like, hell yeah, let's go. And I remember taking taking that vehicle out, uh going and partying, and then coming home to find out that my dad was in the hospital because he tried to take his life, and not still not understanding the gravity of the situation that my father uh was in.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

There's a lot inside of that, and so I'm processing. Is your father still alive?

SPEAKER_00 13:43

No, no, he died, like I said, May 15, 2010.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

What happened?

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Uh he shot himself.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

After your dad passed away. I'm sorry, and thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry. After your dad passed away, how did that form your identity internally, externally, as you saw yourself as a son? You need me to give more context to that question.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

That would help. Yeah, give me give me a little bit more handles than that.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Yeah. When you start processing that your fa father, I'm assuming there's internal beliefs and things you start telling yourself that aren't true. But because your dad took his own life, you're more likely to believe things that are lies. And so do you recall, do you remember even today, what are some of the things that you have to guard against that that are lies that internally or externally that you see as a result of that taking place in your life?

SPEAKER_00 14:56

I mean, you gotta prove yourself. You know, I gotta prove my worth to somebody that's not here anymore. Because I couldn't prove my worth as a 15-year-old, I couldn't prove my worth as a 10-year-old, I couldn't prove my worth as a five-year-old, and now I'm 30 and I'm on the other end of drug, sex, and rock and roll and in ministry, and already coming out of that differentiation of, you know, I've learned I learned how to hustle to get high. And I mean, I'll say this. I think, you know, the best entrepreneurs on planet earth are former addicts because they know what it takes to get something done. Um, unfortunately, the manipulation that can go into that, because that's how you learn to get what you want, is a very dangerous factor. And so, like, there is still very much that addict mentality inside of me. And now you add on top, I'm a father for the first time. I didn't see a father. Now he's gone. He had mental illness all over the place, he had addiction all over the place, he had abuse all over the place, and then you've throwing the fact that you just watch them wheel him out from underneath your house with a white cloth and blood dripped all over it. There's uh, there's some, and then your mother two hours later is holding a cigarette butt that's burnt way past any of the tobacco and smoke in the filter, and she looks at you and says, Is your father in hell because he killed himself? Because that's the theology that we take away from modern day Christianity because of movies and things like that. Like, I can't even answer that question, Joshua. I think that's gonna take me the lifetime to freaking process that myself. Like, where was I in that moment? What did I believe? What did I not believe? You know, I'm trying to be a husband. I didn't have a good role model, what it means to be a husband. I'm still unpacking that one, bro. I'm still unpacking that one. You know, like what I saw to be a husband, and I thought I put that on mute, so I'm sorry. What I saw to be a husband versus what I'm called to be as a husband are two radically different things. I mean, ever I can't, I mean, yeah, I could go on and on. I just feel like I drone on because I'm still I don't have an answer.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

I want to thank you for taking time to listen to this story. And if there's something inside of here that is adding value to you, I want you to stop and hit subscribe. I am on mission to help men become the dads they never had. Many of us struggle with father wounds, addictions, identity issues, and really what we need is we need a model. We need to see people that have broken the patterns and come alongside of them. I want to simply invite you to join me on the journey. Every Thursday, we're gonna release a new episode. Each episode is gonna help you and others become the dads they never had. Hit subscribe and share with a friend. Now let's get back to the story. It would would it be safe to say, I mean, I'm just trying to put I'm trying to put into words what I heard you just say. The question was around what are the internal, external lies that you tend to believe. Let me let me rephrase it a little. And it it's because I'm trying to help others that end up listening to this, yeah, that are trying to put words on it. Because I you you know, you can only share what you've experienced. Everyone else has got an opinion, but when you've experienced something, it's different than someone that just had heard about something or I got a friend. What would you say? Take your time is the most challenging part of being a son whose father committed suicide.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

The most challenging part of being a son to a man who's your father killed himself. I feel like I'm grasping. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you think about the you know, the feelings or the lies that you believe, the lie that I've believed is I'm not enough, and therefore I have to prove to be enough, and I don't have to prove anything, and that's one of the freedoms that I found is I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'll never measure up, especially to a man that doesn't exist anymore. And you that that that that one thing, I am not enough. I'm not enough for him to love me the way I need to be loved. I'm not enough for him to stick around despite his pain. I'm not enough, and now I've got to be enough in the realm of fatherhood and marriage and pastoral ministry. Um, it's a recipe for disaster.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

I might be going too fast, but I'm processing with you as we chat, and we're friends for those that are listening. Have you found anything that helps heal that emotion/slash thought of not being enough?

SPEAKER_00 20:25

I mean, we chatted, we chatted before, 45 years old. I was 30 when this happened. I'm 45 today, I'll be 46 this year. And the one statement that my counselor finally gave me, which was learning how to be a son, learning how to be loved by the father, not for what I do, but for who I am to him. And like I said, you got an addict mentality, and I there's different levels that you get healed from. Like, like you get healed from one aspect of it at 35, and you get it healed at another aspect at 40, and another one at 45, and that's the transformation that I've gone through right now. And I'm sure there's gonna be one at 50 and one at 60 and a one at 70. And praise the Lord, like you said it, like I am learning to be the embodiment of my savior Jesus. I believe the statement in which he says, I will do more things than he did, or the church will do more things than he will do, than he, than he, than he did. Like, I'm learning how to be the son to the father, not just a son to a father. And that's something I wish my dad would have had. I wish that's something every man, because that was the very issue my dad wrestled with. He didn't know what it was like to be a son of the father. And so, like, I'm I I'm grateful to go through this iteration at four. 45 and 50 and 55 and 60, because the security that it causes me as an individual to be able to do the things that I have at my disposal. Like I don't mean like go spend money or you know go get a new pair of Nikes. That's not what I mean. I mean like the ability to shepherd and guide people, not because I'm a pastor, I don't mean that shepherd and guide people because I'm a pastor, not because I got these degrees on the back. I just mean as a human, my ability, whether I'm in the gym or I'm in the staff meeting, like my ability to shepherd and love individuals because I'm a son of the father. Like, come on, let's go. Freedom.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Freedom. You're nailing it. And for dudes who don't know a Heavenly Father, don't know what that looks like, smells like, sniffs like, if you were to give a message to somebody that that has lost their father due to committing suicide, what is the invitation that you would give them that they might know the father that they never had?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

There is a place in which it doesn't matter what you bring or who you are, that you can feel safe, you can feel secure, you can be loved no matter how bad you messed up, no matter how good you did, because he doesn't care about how much you've done for him or how much you have not done for him. He just wants to be with his children. He just wants to dote. I don't know if your viewers or listeners know what dote is, but if you're a husband, you need to dote on your wife. You need to constantly pour approval and love and safety and security on those that you that you love the most because they need it. And the father wants to dote that on you, and that's only found through an intimate, like I mean, like intimate. I don't know if I can, I can't use hand gestures on a podcast, but an intimate place where you can find security and safety and then leave that bubble and live that way.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah, so good. Maybe you remember the time that you first got doted on. I've never used that word, something weird even saying it like a poser here saying doted, but let me share it with our listeners, and I want you to share your own. I remember being at the last night of what's called a revival service, and I was a drug dealer, pinthead, high school dropout, got in a car wreck, and I remember sitting in the back, had weed with me, and I experienced the father saying the following He could have said you're a loser, he should he could have said you're going to hell. All those things could have been true, probably worse, true. But what I experienced was Joshua, I love you. And for a dude who never had a dad to hear those words spoken over top of me, and when I say spoken, the spirit was speaking to me. Yeah, it changed everything. And so now at 48, I'll be 49 next month. It still motivates, it still moves, it still comforts, it's still the thing that I crave from God and I appreciate from his presence. Do you have a moment or do you have an experience where you felt like you heard the father say, Corey?

SPEAKER_00 25:34

For us to tell him a moment, as you're talking about that that scene that you just painted, the the image that came to my head with Psalm 23, whenever it says, and you pour a cup that overflows in the presence of my enemies. And I think about all those negative voices, those things that you've been formed by that's made you believe lies about yourself, and you sit at that table every single day. And then you're talking about the radical love of the Father coming upon you, and it's like him pouring whatever your choice drink is sweet tea, Kool-Aid, Coke Zero, water, whatever it is, like him just pouring and it just dripping on the table for like six hours. Like just he is his arm doesn't get tired. He just, this is my son, I want to love him. So my mine was I had just left a buddy's house. Um, I had went on a mission trip. Uh so I had begun going to church. Um I had tried to take my own life previously because of a uh interaction that I had with a girl that I was dating. And uh so I had begun going to the church. Cool story, real quick, is uh so the lady who invited me to church, her name is uh Sheena, and Sheena worked at this place called Buck's Pizza, and we would smoke weed together like daily. And then when she heard I tried to take my life, she was like, Hey, you need Jesus. And so she took me to this little podunt church. Cool story enough is Sheena goes to my church now. 20 odd some odd years later, she now and her family and her children, her mother all attend my church, and I get to tell that story. Beautiful story. Anyway, I go to a trip, I'm in Scotland, I'm getting drunk, I'm cheating on my girlfriend, come back and like just feel like a wreck of a person because you know I'm here to tell people about Jesus, and all I'm doing is getting drunk and doing stupid stuff. So I go back to school and I'm smoking weed with my buddies, and I remember like I'm going to church actively, but this is my posture on the outside. And the Lord just says, Are you mine or are you not? Just like you're talking about that spirit, that spirit-led voice that as loud as anything you've ever heard, but probably nobody else hears. Are you mine or are you not? And I remember going to this little park in my town and on one of those like uh equipment trails where you do you probably actually like use this. Like you're probably one of the one guys, like if you guys don't know Joshua, he's super fit. I'm getting more fit, so praise the Lord for that. Um, but he's super fit, and like there's these trails that you do the exercises while you're running that nobody ever goes on. And I'm I'm I'm back there on this trail crying, like, and I remember saying this physically to the Lord because I I was knowing about him, but this is the moment that I met him, like I met his heart. And uh I'm like, I was saying, Lord, like I don't want to be forgiven because I don't deserve to be forgiven, but I'm so damn sorry. I'm so sorry. And I remember him like, and I didn't know these words, Joshua, like I didn't know, and like they come from the book of Joshua. I didn't know these words at the time. I didn't know that these were biblical words. I so like your listeners need to understand, like I did not know, I didn't read a book anyway, a whole separate story. He said, I'll never leave you and I'll never forsake you. And I remember like I'm there on that trail and I see the image of my Lord, and like I have these chains around my wrist, and his arms come and just break those chains. So, yeah, I got a story. I got a moment where the where that that love first initially doted on me to the point of that was greater than any sex I'd ever had, any drug that I'd ever induced, anything that I'd ever had in my life. And that's why I've spent the last 25 years chasing after this, and I've gotten it wrong so many times, and yet his love has remained the same.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

His presence is love. You know, the Bible, you know, people use the Bible to beat people up a lot, but there's a bunch of scripture. You know, John 3 16, it it it's very popular in 1718. For uh God did not send his son into the world to condemn it, but to save it. And so if you're listening today, if you've got a friend, if you've got a family member, if you know someone that's needs to be reminded that there's a heavenly father that loves them, this is the message is that Jesus didn't come into the world to to make people perfect, he came in to reveal the father's love. And when you experience the love of a father, there's no other place you want to go, especially for dudes without dads.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

My mind goes, I'm I'm on this like guy named Ray Vanderlawn right now, a trip. He he does this series called They Heard His Cry, talking about the book of Exodus. You go back to the book of Exodus, you hear about the plagues, you hear about this, and but there's a statement in there that continues that that they may know who the Lord is. And like we treat know as like, okay, I know knowledge, um, but like the the Ray Vanderlawn, he's like, it's not a knowledge-based knowing. Like, I want them to know me experientially, I want them to have an experience with this loving God, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get their attention. And sometimes that is disaster. Like sometimes it is disaster, sometimes it is heartbreaking, gut-wrenching stuff. And sometimes it's overwhelmingly like this loving presence, but the motivation of the father's heart, regardless, is always he wants his people, his children to experience in him with the most loving presence that he ever can. And sometimes that's when he wraps his arms around you, and sometimes that's when he rescues you by breaking your leg.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Yeah, I've actually thank you for sharing that. I've prayed for people that are far from God, that bad things would happen. So they would uh listen and stop and come to a God who loves them. I'm walking through this devotional with my littles, uh, round two. I've got six kids. And it's long story short, it's a whole year of going through the Bible. And we're inside the story of Noah's Ark. And when you read the Old Testament, this is like an old book, right? It says that God regretted that he made man because every thought they had was evil. And like we've watched cultures come through history that you're like, man, what kind of people sacrificing their children to a pagan god? And when God looks down and says, What in the world I'd done? He created human beings with the capacity to choose between right or wrong. It probably didn't create them. Um, we chose to eat of that forbidden fruit. But when you move to a place of regret, and God still saved, it created a promise in a way, an ark, a boat. And for our listeners, I want you to know that that for you, for me, for Corey, for dudes without a dad, we have a boat that we can get into from all the carnage, from all the the storms, the rains, the how dark and evil it is sometimes out there. And his name is is Jesus, Yeshua Hamashiach, Jesus the Messiah. He loves us. Corey, uh I'm gonna close with one question. And it's something I know that you know you appreciate context. You're always like, hey, will you give me more context on it? But I'm thinking about now that you're a father, you're a father. You've got how many kids?

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Two girls, 16 and 14.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

Which I'm sure you want to protect and shoot boys. But when you think about being uh a father now of two girls, is there a lie that the enemy of the world the flesh or the devil that speaks into your head that you know that's not true as it relates to your identity and who you are as a father, as a result of the experience you had with your dad?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Is there a lie that I believe that's in reference to raising my children?

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Yeah, like so when you're still, when you're quiet, which is probably never but let's say you let's pretend in uh that you're still and you are by yourself, can you identify lies that the enemy you know, because there's a there's a uh you know we have spiritual armor that we're supposed to put on to avoid the attacks of the devil. Can you identify lies that you believe about who you are as a result of who your dad was now that you're a father? That's why I'm wondering is if if you ever sense attacks that are called lies. And the answer is no, so be it.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Um I'm not, I mean, like I think I think the the lie or it may not be a lie, but the tension is that you can in life, anytime you have a grievous thing happen, you can want to swing the pendulum to the other side as far as possible. And so I think here is a lie that I've probably bought into, and this is some transparent, vulnerable crap, probably. Um, that I focused way more on being a good dad and not enough on being a good husband. And like I have worked so hard to be such a good father, to be there for my kids, that in a lot of senses that I've ignored my wife. And like I even preached this phrase like on Sunday, and I said, the greatest gift that any parent can ever get to their child is a happy, healthy marriage. And uh like for a lot of years, it's I think it's more affected my marriage, which in turn affects my kids, right? So I mean the enemy, the enemy, because like I never learned how to treat a woman, um that's always been the hardest part. It's it's been easy to be a dad because there's not that tension inside the relationship. There's still children, and you know, they still listen, but the tension has been in how to be a husband, which in turn has affected the children in ways that I hate. So that that's probably my my answer.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. I would I would also agree it and my desire to give my children what I didn't receive might be one step of the 10x, okay, to give you know good help because I want my kids to 10x what they experience, what I experience, what they experience to so forth. But I think that we tried to give what we didn't receive, and then when we don't get what we wanted from that relationship, we can get angry and frustrated with our our kids because they may not appreciate. Do you not know what I had, what I didn't? This is me speaking. I'm not saying this is your story. But as a result of making that an idol, which isn't bad, but if it becomes like a top of your priorities, it should be first being a husband. I mean, being a man, secondly, a husband, and then a father in that order. Yeah. And I appreciate you sharing that. Is there any final words you want to share to any dude that's listening today that heard your story, they're processing their own pain? You get final words.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

There's there's three roles that every man needs. There's three roles that every man needs, and there's three roles that every man should have. Every man needs a spiritual father, every man needs somebody who has authority in their life to call them on their crap. Every man needs brothers, people who will hold their shoulders, hold their arms in battle. And every man needs sons. And like I'm I'm talking biological, but I'm also talking spiritual. Like, regardless of where you are, listener, there is still somebody worse than you, somebody hurting more than you. And so you need to find that person. You probably know them already, and you need to go love on them. And you need to find men who will come alongside of you, and that you will give complete authority over your life to them, because you recognize that there is deficiencies in you, and that you need somebody who loves you and cares about you and is willing to call your carpet or call you on the carpet because of that, and then brothers who will support you, who love you, not because of what you give to them or what you can do for them just because they love you. Um, so you need to have one and you need to be one. You need to be a father to somebody, you need to have a father. You need to be a brother to somebody, you need to have brothers. You need to be a son to somebody, and you need to have sons. That would be the last thing. And I think that's probably one of the greatest things that can be taught to men these days is that we need somebody in our life to have authority and speak into our life that we will listen to, regardless of how hard the truth is. And we need to have somebody that will hold our hands and hold our arms, and that we need to be and have sons that we invest into, regardless of how jacked up you think you are. There is somebody way more jacked up than you are.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

Forgiveness is more for you than them. I had inner peace for the first time in my life. It's just me. Just Jesus.