Thanksgiving Replay: From Gang Life to Pastor Dad

Week 3 DWOD Final

[00:00:00] You know, by the age of like five years old, six years old. I just remember, man, this man that I called Dad was a full blown alcoholic. You know, just remember at night I would just put the blankets over my head while he was just beating on my mom, getting, getting violent with my mom. And at the age of 14, I was running with gang members.

That was just my, my life was just spiraling downhill very quick. You know the crazy part, dude, I. I was like so zapped to him. I couldn't shake him. And I remember when I, when, when he shared about this story, man, he shared these words with me at the end, he said, gave him, God has a plan for your life. My life was just spiraling, downhill.

Depression, alcoholism, incarceration, deaths by despair. One guy who showed. Is just Jesus. If you can give a man clarity and community, he can start to live out his purpose. You can break generational curses of alcoholism. Welcome to [00:01:00] Dudes Without Dads, that show that trains men how to become the dads they never had.

Let's go ahead and get into it. Why don't we start off with your first and last name and tell me where you're from. Yeah. I'm Gabriel Neves. I am from the city of Santa Ana, the beautiful city of Santa Ana in California. Yeah. Well, let's go back. Um, let's start, if I was able to, to, to jump and take a picture of your childhood.

Yeah. Tell me what it looks like, you know, and, well, you know, my mom, um, my mom came to this country, um. In hopes of a better, better life for me. She, um, she was pregnant when she, she was very young. I think she was about 20 years old, you know, and my biological father, um, was a married man. So soon my mom just said, Hey, I want nothing to do with him.

She happens to come to the United States, you know? Um, excuse me. [00:02:00] And I was born here. I'm, I'm what you call imported goods. I guess, you know, I, I was born in, born here and, um. 1981. You know, I wish, I can tell you I remember it like it was yesterday, but, you know, um, I do remember stuff from my childhood, um, about the age of four years old.

My mom introduced this man into my life, which is my dad, my stepdad. And I just remember, even, even now, I can. Kind of get glimpse of it, you know, getting older and you could tell some of the stuff is just fading, man. But I remember I just wanted to, um. Be embraced by this man. Like I was excited, like, man, I got a dad now.

You know, like I can just remember thinking of that, like even at this young age, you know? And um, I just remember just that changed very [00:03:00] quick, you know, by the age of like five years old, six years old. I just remember, man, this man that I called Dad was a full-blown alcoholic. You know, he, um, he was very physically violent towards my mom and that kind of became the norm.

I just kind of would just one day I, I didn't know this was gonna happen, but I just remember at night I would just put the blankets over my head while he was just. Beating on my mom, getting, getting violent with my mom. And I just remember thinking to myself one day, I'm gonna be a big old dude, man, and I'm gonna protect my mom from any man.

I had no idea I was gonna be about 6 3, 1 of the biggest Mexicans probably in my neighborhood, but. Um, I, I just remember, man, um, this happened a lot. Obviously. I'm gonna fast forward, you know, um, just very dysfunctional ho home, always wanting to [00:04:00] just, um, get away. From the house because there was nothing but um, chaos in my home.

There was never any type of order, you know, we were always moving. No stability. Just moving from one apartment complex to the next to the next. And this, this kept happening, man, my whole youth up until my early teenage years. I was about 13 years old. I think we had moved into every apartment complex on the block because they kept evicting us because my dad's alcoholic problem, he would never pay the rent on time and stuff like that.

But there was just no stability, you know? And, um, I just remember, I, we ended up moving with my aunt. I think all the doors had finally closed except hers. We moved in with her. And that's where, um, I wanna say my life took a drastic change. I wish I could tell you for the good, but it was for the worst. [00:05:00] I had a couple, I had an older cousin and I had another younger cousin.

That were involved man with gangs and they were already using drugs and stuff like that, you know, and you, we know what the Bible says in pro. Uh, I want to say, what is that Proverbs? Man, it, it talk, it talks to us about how bad company company corrupts good morals. You know, not that I had the best morals going on, but some of the stuff they were involved in, man, I, I, I was kind of blinded to, you know.

And, but you know, I just, curiosity got the best of me, man. I ended up just starting to go away with them, sneak out with them, and, and next thing you know, I, I was just running with these guys, you know, and I just remember getting in a fight one day. It was about the eighth grade and. It's like all this stuff I had carried inside, man.

All this hurt because you know, the way I grew up, I was never really [00:06:00] allowed to share my emotions with anyone. I couldn't go to my dad and say, Hey man, you're making me feel this way. I couldn't go to my mom and tell her how I was feeling, so I felt like I was just. I was forced to put a callous, you know, around my feelings, just so I couldn't show 'em to anybody.

So I'll never forget. That's why I, I, I never forget when one of these guys actually celebrated me for getting in a fight, you know? And that's when it changed for me. I was like, man, I want to continue to make these guys proud. And these were full blown gang members, you know? But I didn't see 'em as gang members.

I seen them as. Just like, like role models, so to speak. I've seen them as older people that. Paid attention to me, you know, and I just, I just began to wanna make these guys proud and I started running with them, and next thing you know, man, you're just, it's just, the devil just comes man to steal, kill and destroy, man.

He [00:07:00] just, he, he took me right in, you know? And I started just doing things like I told you that, um, I never thought I would. You don't do. So that's pretty much in a glimpse, man. If I take you to my childhood, man, it, it just, I got involved in gangs at a real young age because I wanted to make my dad proud, but I don't think, um, it came from the home.

So I, I, I, I made someone else proud, which happened to be an older gang member. Yeah. You know, prior to getting involved in the gang, how would you define your relationship with your alcoholic father? You know, um, I think there really wasn't one, you know, I would try to avoid him all the time. I would try to, um, talk back, you know, like I said, when I was a kid, I, I was terrified of him.

I was just like, man, like I can't, if I talk back, he's gonna smack [00:08:00] me or something. So it was more like a, like a fear, an unhealthy fear. So I would just stay quiet, you know? But I would, I would remember, man, just watching him, it's sad because I knew how many beers he would have to drink until he started changing.

I remember counting like, oh man, he's only had two. He's still, he's okay. I can kind of have a conversation with him, you know? But then once that fourth and fifth beer, I just knew he was a totally different type of man, you know? And by the way, this man that I'm talking about. I have an amazing relationship with him now, man.

He, he, he love, he, he's following Jesus. That's a miracle in itself. You know how the Lord has restored this relationship, but he's sober now. You know? But I, I wanted to just put that out there because he, he, when we look at his life, it's, it's a miracle, man. [00:09:00] What, what the Lord did in his life. But yeah, that there was really no relationship there.

So what about your mom? How would you define your relationship with her in childhood? Yeah, so I think my mom was, um, she did the best that she could with the, I wanna say with the cars that she was dealt right. Um, I felt like she had already felt in one relationship. So she just, 'cause I always try to, even, I asked her like.

Now we can talk about it. Right? I tell her like, mom, why? Why did you stick around through this abusive relationship? You know? And I think she said she was just hoping that my dad was gonna change. She was just hope and, and she didn't want to start over, you know? So why she stuck around, I don't know. But, um, I remember I was able to talk to her about certain things, you know, but I was forced to grow up way too fast where it was kind of like, uh, [00:10:00] real quick, do you have a story of growing up without a dad or you had a destructive or distracted father?

If you think it would be of value to share your story on the Dos Without Dads podcast, I want you to pause, go to the link inside the bio and apply to Speak on the Dos Without Dads podcast. And then if you know somebody that would be an incredible guest, please share this show with them. Because we can do more if we do it together.

Now, back to the show. Well, that's my mom, you know, but I don't really talk to her about this type of stuff. So I think my mom's loved me. She's always done the best that she could do to love, love on me and stuff like that. But I don't think, um, I really, I don't think I trusted her, if I'm gonna be honest with you.

Because of everything I have gone through. You know, I think it was more like, um, well, you know, we don't know how to [00:11:00] communicate some of these feelings, but it was kind of like, I guess you can say I had trust issues, man. I was like, man, what's gonna happen? Like if I trust her, is she gonna let this guy hit me?

You know? So I started just kind of sticking to myself a little bit. Wow. Once joining the gang, it sounds like you found an identity as what it looked like to be a man. Why don't you unpack what it looked like in your head to be a man once you discovered gang life? Describe it to me. Yeah, absolutely man.

So I think, um, this is very important, man. Um, you know, the Bible shares that my people perish because they have no vision, you know? At the age of 13, I remember I had a vision. The vision I had was these guys were about, I wanna say they're about 18 years old, so you might not think five years is a big difference now.

Now it's not like somebody's, I'm 43, somebody's 48. I'm kinda, [00:12:00] ah, it's not a big deal. You know? They're kind, we're kind of the same age, you know? But when you're 13 years old and someone's 18 years old, that is a huge difference. You know? And these guys had already been to jail. They had already been, some of them had had a couple of prison terms already.

So I would remember looking at these guys. Man, I want to be just like them. I want to have all the tattoos that they have. I wanna just, man, look at like, it's like they don't fear anything. And just the way they carried themselves, you know? Little did I know they were broken people just like I was. But you know, we, we put up a good front.

When you're in that lifestyle, you, you, you put up a real good front and I know, um, the vision I had for my life, sad to say, was, um, I was either gonna be dead by the time I was 18 years old, or I was gonna be in prison for a [00:13:00] very long time because of something I did and I had. Made myself to believe I had accepted this.

Like, okay, this is my destiny. This is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna either kill somebody because I was involved in gangs, or somebody's gonna kill me. And sad to believe that's what that, that's exactly the vision I had for my life. Yeah. Um, when you go back to that time and think about it, what's the dumbest thing that you did when you belonged to.

A gang. I think one of the dumbest things I think I, I did was, um, keep drugs in my home. And the reason I say I think one of the dumbest things, I mean, I've done plenty of dumbest and stupid things, man, but, um, one, it was because I had little brothers in my house, man. You know, and for some reason I was so blinded thinking that they [00:14:00] didn't know I was under the influence.

'cause by the time I was 15 years old, man, I was addicted. I was full blown, addicted to marijuana, to crack, to crystal meth, just whatever, any, anything we can get our hands on. We're an experiment. Test in the neighborhood, you know, Hey, here's this, you know, so. I was very into drugs, man, and I would keep that stuff in the house, you know, and just thinking that, or what could happen if one of my younger siblings got a hold of it, you know, we've heard of tragedies, man, stuff that happens, you know?

But that's one of the dumbest things, if I can tell you the truth. It was just keeping drugs inside my home that can really hurt my siblings. Why is that? Why is that a bad practice? Like what makes that foolishness? Yeah. Well, to be because man, it could live you. You don't really value life, you know? I think it's foolishness because just like me, [00:15:00] at that young age, I didn't know how much was enough.

We weren't measuring this. Stuff. It wasn't prescribed or anything. We would just take as much as we wanted until we felt the effects of it, you know? So I think within time you build up a tolerance. But man, one of these kids gets their, gets a hold on it and it can be devastating, you know, it can really do some damage.

So I think for the simple reason that you can literally take a life, you know, somebody can overdose very quick, and I know many people that have overdosed because of drugs. When you look back, where would be your rock bottom spot? You know where it's like at this moment is rock bottom. Yeah, rock Bo. Rock bottom was at the age of 20 years old, you know.

Um, I was arrested. My house where I lived, where I kept the drugs, you know, we got raided and two weeks prior to that, I [00:16:00] remember there was, uh. There was an altercation that I got involved in, you know, some rival gang members. And I, I just remember, like it was yesterday, I, um, I got in a gang shootout with this guy.

I ended up shooting this guy. He falls to the ground and I flee the scene thinking everything was, I had some glasses like yours, thinking, oh man, I'm, I'm gonna be undercover now, man. They're not gonna know who I am. And drugs will make you think the weirdest things, man, but. I, um, they quickly got to me, you know, they found out where I lived and my house was raided and I was taken to the county jail, age of 20.

And I just remember, man, like thinking they don't have nothing on me, not really knowing the seriousness of this crime, you know? And I was like, I didn't do anything anyway. Deny, deny, deny, you know? And, um, what ended up happening, man, I remember after about a month of being in there, [00:17:00] I think all the drugs have worn out.

And I was kind of faced with this reality like, Hey, you're, you're gonna, you're in here 'cause you shot somebody. But I still didn't, I don't think I understood the seriousness of the crime. 'cause I was like, whoa. It's not like anybody died, you know, trying to soften it up. Well, I remember going to court.

This was my rock bottom man. I, I just remember going to court and my public defender tells me, 'cause I'm in there and I'm like, Hey, you know what, man? All arrogant and stuff. I'll sign 15 years right now. Gimme whatever time you have. Let me go upstate. Eh, I'm doing the math right? I'll be 35 by the time I get out.

I'll have respect in my neighborhood. I'll graduate, I'll get free tattoos. I'll be somebody. I'm thinking this in my mind, right at 20 years old. Let's get this. Let's not play the games anymore. Just gimme my time. And she thought I was playing, but I was dead serious, man. And when she finally seen how serious I was, she [00:18:00] said, Gabriel, I don't think you understand the seriousness of your crime.

You try to kill a human being. The state of California is going to give you a life sentence. You can spend the rest of your life in prison. Now, life seemed like a long time. I was like, oh man, I don't think I was ready for a life sentence. I was ready for 15, 20 years maybe. But now when they said a life sentence, I just felt like the life was sucked outta me, man.

And I just didn't even know how to process that. 'cause this is my public defender. The person that's supposed to advocate for me saying, you're gonna spend the rest of your life in jail, Gabriel, you better start getting comfortable here. It was like, oh my God, man. So all of a sudden, right, oh my God, man, what would happened?

So I just, I, I think that was my rock bottom when they told me that I was gonna spend the rest of my life in prison. I just, [00:19:00] I, I was devastated. I hit rock bottom. Um, yeah, that was my rock bottom. Where'd you go from there? What changed? So, what ended? What end? The power of the gospel, man. So what happens? So I, and I left this part out, man, when I was about 13, even though I had joined a gang and stuff like that at the age of 14.

I got involved with a youth group. You know, I had a love for the, for the game of basketball, and that was like my scapegoat, man, always, you know, what would you do to stay away from home and stuff? Like, I would go play basketball all the time, go to the parks and stuff like that, and stay out late, you know?

So I met this friend named Kobe, you know, and I remember they were churchgoers, they were believers. Born again, believers man. And I remember that one day we, I was at his house and they invited me to church, you know? And I went, wow, let's go. I didn't wanna go home, let, I don't care where we're going. So we go to [00:20:00] church.

Hey, I'm gonna interrupt the podcast. Hope it is adding value to you, and let me introduce myself. I'm Joshua Brown, founder of Dudes Without Dads. I'm a dude who grew up without a father and he actually offered to pay for my abortion not being my life. And so this podcast is Birth outta my desire to be the dad I never had, and then encourage other men to become the dads they never had.

Just to be straight and to be blunt, I need givers. I need individuals who believe in this ministry, that believe that helping men become the dads they never had is a worthwhile pursuit. And I've got a giving link. You should see a QR code on the screen, or you can go inside the show notes and just become a monthly supporter.

Of the dudes without Dads. For your gift of anything over $20 a month, I'm gonna send you our season one, uh, dudes Without Dad shirt. Just let us know what size you wear and I'll mail it, uh, to you. But that's all I've got and I again appreciate you taking time to listen to this [00:21:00] podcast. And now back to the show.

And I've never experienced, even till today, what I've experienced that day. It was just the peace, the joy, the power of, of the gospel, the love, you know, what a church should be. You know, when people come in through those doors. I just felt this embrace and I remember man wanting to go back, Hey, when we're going to church again, I wa this place makes me feel amazing.

You know? So I'm a little. Hoodlum kid like myself, you know? And I wasn't judged, you know, I just felt, I just felt such a peace and I ended up getting saved. Man. I remember they gave an altar call one day and I just respond. I didn't even know what I was doing. I just said, I want Jesus. Like this guy says that Jesus can take the pain, the hurt.

I, I, I, I want that bargain, you know, because everything that I've been holding onto man brokenness, you know, [00:22:00] so I end up getting saved. Obviously, I didn't have a foundation at home and the neighborhood and stuff like that happened, so, so I knew. About the gospel. I was involved with this youth group about 14 years.

About what? 14, 15 years old. I here and there I would go, you know, so shout out to all the youth pastors out there, man. Don't give up. You keep sharing. Jesus, man. So I end up, uh, and anyways, I end up getting saved, right? So now, and I'm gonna share this man because it's very important. I always, his mom, which is my spiritual mom, is Mary.

Every time, dude, I would run into her 'cause she, they lived in my neighborhood. The, the area that I would run, I would run into her. I'm talking about 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 years old. I would just run into her here and there when I wasn't in jail and she would always tell me, Gabriel. God has a [00:23:00] plan for your life, you know?

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. I know Ms. Mary. I know, you know, and just try to ignore her, you know? But she was like a straight up Jesus freak man. I was like, man, this lady is too much, you know? So anyways, fast forward, I'm in the county jail. I just found out. I'm looking at a life sentence, dude. And what ends up happening, man, they take me back to my cells and I would see this guy, dude, with a Bible.

You know, walking around in the jail and I used to think, that used to get me so upset, Josh, because I used to think like. That guy's such a hypocrite, man. How can you come to jail and pick up a bible? That guy's just afraid. He's hiding behind the shield, is what they call it in there, you know? And I mean, I remember I used to tell myself, if that guy ever talks to me, dude, I'm gonna let him have it.

And I was a very violent man. I used to look kind of scarier than I do now, but [00:24:00] I was just like, I was into intimidating people, so to speak, you know? And I remember, bro, this guy sure enough came straight towards me and I remember I was like, ah, here's my chance. And I just remember just letting him have it, dude, because he comes up to me, says, Hey, what's up man?

Do you know who Jesus is? Or something like that, you know, or God bless, or God loves you, brother. And I was like, he's not talking to me, dude. No, there's no way. And sure enough, bro, he, he, he, oh, he was talking to me. There was no one behind me. And he just ends up sharing a couple Bible verses, you know? I just let him have it, bro.

I'll just start cussing at him and just being, being foul with this dude, bro. Just thinking like, how dare you talk to me about Jesus in a place like this? You know? As a matter of fact, you know what, dude, I've already tried your Jesus. When I was 14, 15 years old, and it's like, I gave this dude fire, bro.

When I told him I already [00:25:00] tried your Jesus, he was like, oh. So you belong to God already. So you just backslid, man, this dude doesn't get, what are you talking about, bro? I backslid and bro, he just starts, you know, divine appointment, man. He just starts talking to me about this prodigal son and just the crazy part dude, I was like so zapped to him.

I couldn't shake him even after I thought I was gonna like. Get 'em away with my words, my harsh words. I didn't beat on him or nothing, but it just kind of like, thought I was just gonna intimidate him. Man, this guy wasn't going nowhere, man. And I remember when I, when, when he shared about this story, man, he shared these words with me at the end.

He said, Gabriel. God has a plan for your life. And when he shared that, dude, I made the connection with what Ms. Mary had always been telling me when I would run into her in the streets about God's plan for my life. And I was like, man, does this dude know Ms. Mary? There's no way this dude knows Ms. Mary, dude.

[00:26:00] Dude know. And bro, I was just intrigued by that. 'cause I respected Ms. Mary so much, I just was running from her. 'cause I was really running from God, right. And sure enough, dude, I end up just, um, asking this dude like, but what do I do now, bro? Like, look, my life is over. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in jail.

I'm gonna, bro, it's, it's it, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm through is what I tried to tell him. And he was, and he was just smiling like, bro, but what if you're not, what if God has a different plan? And bro, he just started praying, Lord, keep this man. Lord, protect this man and make yourself real in this man's life. He gave me a Bible.

The last thing I ever thought I would read, bro, he gives me a Bible and he says, get to know who Jesus is. And I'm trying to hide the Bible. Like, bro, you can't let the guy see me with a Bible in here, though. That's a sign of weakness, you know? [00:27:00] And he said, but look. The spiritual battle has begun now. And I'm like, what?

Well, I know, man. I know. We're in a war zone. I get it. We're in jail. I got, he like, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's, it's inside your heart. There's two voices that are gonna be cracking. Two packs of dogs are gonna go at it. The good and the bad. Which ones are gonna win, Gabriel? And I'm like, well, the good ones, of course, dude.

Dude. Like, nope. All right. I guess the bad ones, there's some bad dogs, right? And he was like, Nope. The ones you feed the most, feed the good dogs. Get the word of God in you. And bro, I began to do exactly that and what the Bible says when he will transform you from the inside out began unnaturally happen to me, dude.

It just, I even forgot I was looking at a life sentence. I didn't even care, bro. I had inner peace for the first time in my life. And dude, I just began to [00:28:00] understand what I was reading, bro. I was like, what in the world? How did, how does this bible know what I'm going through? You know? And I just began to fall in love with God's word, man.

Yeah. You know, and that's where the change just began to happen. It just began to naturally happen and, and exactly what the Bible tells us, man, when something starts happening in here, you can't keep it in. It just starts naturally coming out, dude. And I was in there, bro, and the little Jesus that I knew, I began to share with these hopeless inmates.

You know, tell you something, bro. I didn't even know how to pray, dude. I would just talk to God like, Hey, you know, like. Look out for me and stuff, you know, like I didn't know how to, but it was coming from a genuine place, you know? And I remember these guys were like, Gabriel, can you pray for us? Inmates were asking if I could pray for them.

And I was like. Yeah, bro. Let's see. [00:29:00] And I would just put a big old hand on him, man. And just, God, just bless this person. Give him peace. You know, make 'em read your Bible and, and bro, next thing you know man, I was in a, what you call a 65 man tank. Testimony to God, bro. About a month after praying for people, I had the whole tank in their holding hands, just praying, calling out to Jesus, man.

So this work just began to naturally come out, dude, you know how they say, I don't know if you heard it out there, bro, but they say that. You should lock up Christians man for the first three years of their life. 'cause they're crazy dude. Well, bro, I was in there, dude, and I literally had a captive audience.

Dude. We were all in incarcerated and that was my mission field, bro. It was. It was just like, I have to make Jesus known to every inmate that comes through these doors, man. You know? So [00:30:00] God got ahold of me there, man. Just. Through the simple obedience of a person saying, Hey, I'm gonna share Jesus with this guy.

Yeah. Hey, um, we've got a listener right now that's listening and your story's his story. What do you want him to know? I want him to know, man, that. God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, man, anything that you can ever imagine, you know, because, not because of who we are or what we've been through, but because of what he, who he is, you know?

And that was the thing that I did. I didn't know anything about Jesus, about this Bible, but one thing I did know was that. The Bible is real. I began to read it. And what you read begins to transform your life from the inside out. So [00:31:00] read your word man. Let God speak to you through the word, you know? And, and if you don't know how to pray, just pray like I did.

'cause it's not the words that God is hearing, it's what's coming from the heart. 'cause sometimes you don't even, we, you know brother, we don't even know how to get 'em out. God knows what we're going through. God understands every pain, every teardrop. So my thing is don't don't give up on God 'cause he hasn't gave up on you.

But Gabriel, you don't know my story. You don't know what I've done. I understand that. But God does, bro. God knows exactly what you've done and he still loves you. He loves you that way. I try to kill a human being, man, something that I have to live with the rest of my life. The shameful stuff. But when I came to Jesus, I understood why the Bible says the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God, this is a gift from [00:32:00] God, man.

You know, and, and that's what, that's what grace is. I understood this grace. I didn't earn it. God gave it to me. You know, so I understand, man. And there's two voices you gotta learn to listen to in your, in your mind. Because look, there's a voice of condemnation. Exactly. That's gonna tell you, man, you're no good.

Look at what you've done. That voice of condemnation comes from the devil Man. Learn how to identify these voices because there's gonna be a voice of conviction. That comes from God because it's gonna draw you to God, to the cross. You know? So I had to learn how to identify these voices. And I still do today because some of the stuff I did when I was young, man, there's certain times that I'm like, oh my God, how did I, how was, how did I ever do that?

You know? But then I understand, okay, Lord, but I've been forgiven. I've been forgiven by you. [00:33:00] So don't ever think you've done too much, man. What would you have me to do if I wanna get right with God? I would have you simply just confess to the Lord what you've done to him, him alone. And there's this fancy word that people use a lot of the times, rep, repent.

Well, what does that mean? Simply turn away from what you were doing. Let it start today. You know, you, you ask God for forgiveness. What's the fruit of that? You not doing that again? Okay, Lord, from this point forward, I'm gonna find myself a local church. I'm gonna find myself somebody that I know that is connected to Jesus and tell him that I want to learn more about him.

You know, because that's where I think, that's where it starts, man. Don't isolate yourself because the devil wants you by yourself, man. [00:34:00] What's at stake? What if I say no? Well, if you, if you say no, man, first things first, there's gonna be so much heartache. If you think this is rock bottom, you're really not.

You know, it's really not. And if you are probably like, how can my life get much worse? You know? Sometimes I wonder, you know, because I got family members and people that for whatever reason, they don't want to surrender their life to Jesus. They say no, you know? And you just see the heartache, you see the pain, you know?

But ultimately, man, there is a place that God didn't prepare for us, you know? And it is a place called Hell that a lot of people don't like to talk about, you know? That wasn't. But there's a better place that God through Jesus wants us to go to. So ultimately, what's at stake Man is our eternal destination.

What does [00:35:00] life look like today for Gabriel? Oh man. Where do I start? You know, you know today, man, only by the grace of God, you know, I'm real good friends with the person that I shot. You know, God was able to reconcile that relationship. We met, you know, um, God has called me to the ministry. You know, I'm one of the pastors at Hope Life Church in the city of Santa Ana.

And um, I. I've been married for 22 years. That is a miracle in itself, man. And you know, I have three beautiful kids, you know, um, a 18-year-old, a 17-year-old, and a 14-year-old baby girl man. She, I still call her my baby girl. And, you know, I remember my spiritual mom, Ms. Mary would tell me, man, when she see me, my wife and the kids like.

Man, God does [00:36:00] do-overs, huh, Gabriel? Because just being able, you know, to be part of my kids' lives, it, it, it's, it's a miracle in itself for me, you know? Um, but yeah, I think today, you know, um, just being able to give back, you know, a lot of the times that's my, that's my heart man. A lot of the times. Just any opportunity I have to work with youth, you know?

I, I have that desire to go, you know, my senior pastor, Tommy Coda till this day, you know, he's still doing high school bible clubs, you know, and we're getting older in the ministry. We're like, man, some of your youngsters, man, the harvest is ready. Come on. But, you know, I'll tell you the truth, man, it's just, um, it's just an amazing ministry being able to pour into young, young lives, you know?

So good. What do you have, um, or what advice would you [00:37:00] give to a, a dad who'd never had a dad? Yes. Just remember what the psalm has said there in Psalm 68, that he is a father to the fatherless. You know, that's, that's who, that's who Jesus is, man. That's who our heavenly Father is to us. He's a father to the fatherless man, and just remember that.

God can still use you in spite of your past. God can still use you. Yes. We might not be able to change our past. Yes. My, my youth years were robbed, you know, but I wa there was a point where I was either gonna be a victim. I was gonna be a victor in Jesus' name, right? Victorious. And I chose to, I was terrified.

It's a real thing, man. PTSD brother. It is real, you know? And I remember when my wife first told me that she was pregnant. 2006, man. Oh. Of [00:38:00] 2005. But my son came in 2006. I was terrified. You would think. You tell another, a normal person, they, Hey, you're gonna be a dad. All right, bro. Can't wait. You know? We celebrate life now, you know when people tell us in the ministry, you young parents and stuff like that.

But to me, dude, I was so terrified because of the stuff I went through as a kid. I was like, man, is history gonna repeat itself? I know I belong to God, but man, I got some stuff I went through and what if I'm like my dad? I start having these fears, right? But I thank God for the seasoned men in my life. I brought these fears to them.

They prayed for me. And yeah, I mean, I like to say we did an okay job with Nathan, man, my oldest, but just, um, those fears, man, identifying who they come from, you know, I think they come from, we know the, the enemy of our lives. [00:39:00] Um, if you were to sit down today with your 8-year-old self Yeah. What would you tell him about the future?

I would probably pull his ears. No, I'm just kidding. But if I sat down with an 8-year-old Gabriel, I would probably, man, give him a big hug. I would give him a big hug and I would tell him that I loved him. I would tell him that I was proud of him. Even though he gets me upset. I would embrace him and I would tell him like, it's gonna be okay, Gabriel.

It's gonna be okay. So good. Um, when you speak that it's at the root of every one of our listeners and every dude who grew up without a dad. Yeah. It really is that deep desire to feel the embrace of a loving father. Yeah. Um, do you [00:40:00] think healing is possible for dudes who didn't have that growing up? And, and where can they go to get that?

Yeah. I, I honestly do think it's possible, brother. Um, I think that, um, it's, it's a process though. Okay. Um, even till, well today now I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a teddy bear, what they call Right. But dude, when I was in my twenties, you know, growing up I was a very, you couldn't hug me dude. It was kind of like, Hey, what's up bro?

Back up. Like we don't hug around here, you know? And the Lord blessed me with these kids that just hug you and kiss you and, and, and just, just everywhere man. And you're just like, oh man. You know, I'm not used to all this contact, dude, you know? But. Healing is possible and God will use in my life. God used my beautiful wife, you [00:41:00] know, through that process, and he also used my children, you know, through that process to help me heal, you know?

But if people don't have that, at the end of the day, honestly, man, the healing comes from the healer himself. You know, the more I got to know Jesus, the more I began to seek after him. He supernaturally began to heal these areas in my life, you know? Um, so I think, I think, yeah. But healing is possible.

Absolutely. Man. I wanna, this is my closing Yeah. Fodder conversation. Uh, you mentioned earlier in your story. That I think you have a relationship with your father today. Yeah. That, that God is restored. But would it be safe to say there was a moment of time where you hated him? Oh yeah, man, I hated my dad up until the point I, I, I gave my life to Jesus.

You know, [00:42:00] I didn't even call him dad. I would just respect him. Um, I would, by the time I was 17, even though he was, he was a complete drunk, he would fear me. 'cause of the person I had became, you know, so yeah, there was so much hate in there, so much hate for this man because of the, the pain he caused when I was growing up.

How do you feel about him now? Oh, man, I, I give him a big kiss every time I can. He's not much of a hugger either, but I love it. My kids, dude, if you don't hug my kids, it's like, what's wrong with this person? You know? But they, they hug on grandpa and my relationship with him now, man, because of Jesus. It's, it's.

It's what a, what a son and a and, and a father should be at, at, at this stage of life. He's older, he is retired, he's about to retire. [00:43:00] But his, um, his love languages work, so I know he won't till this day. He won't come out and tell the Lord's still working on him, but he won't come out and say, Hey Gabriel, I love you, son.

You know, I just love, but you know what he'll do? He'll show up to my house and just start building things, man, and just start just working on things. But it's his love language. I've learned how to like, he's really here. 'cause he's like, man, I love you, son. You know, so the, my wife sometimes, like, that's a little too much love.

Can he leave? Because he is always, he has half-built projects everywhere around my house. But it's a great, it's a great relationship with him now, man. And you know, I'll be honest with you, man, with the same love that I was comforted with, I'm able to comfort others because God forgave me man. He forgave this wretched [00:44:00] murderer, man.

'cause that's what I was trying to do and, and had mercy on me. Who am I to withhold that from anybody? Yeah. So that's kind of like, when, when it came to my dad, it was kind of like I had to get to this point of where I, I, even though he didn't ask me for forgiveness, I forgave him, you know? Before we jumped on, you sent me a link to, um, a, a song.

Oh yeah. Don't ask me to sing it. Can, can you tell me a little bit about it and then if anybody wants to, to maybe listen anything you, you may have produced, um, let 'em know where to go. Absolutely, man. So I sent you a song, right, that it's called, it Ain't Easy. And the reason I wrote that song, man, was because like I told you earlier, I wish that my story was a unique one, you know?

But there is so many kids that we get to [00:45:00] minister on a weekly basis that that is their cry. Like, okay, Gabriel, you're saying I can be married, I can have a wife. Like you have one. But the, I'm going through so much pain, so much struggles, man. Guys are dying in my street. You know, these bullets are flying in my neighborhood and innocent bystanders are being shot.

I feel like God doesn't hear people in my community, or if he does. Why does everything look like this? You know? So when the chorus, so that's kind of like the first verse was just this kid just crying out like, alright, you wanna come at me with your Bible stuff? Let me tell you my reality. Tell me how that Bible stuff's gonna work in my reality.

So that was kind of like that first verse, and then the chorus was just like, giver of peace. [00:46:00] Reveal yourself to them please. Because it's gonna take a miracle for this kid to know that you love him because of everything he's seen in this community. You know? So that's just kind of like me because I don't have super, I can't change anybody.

I go to the one who can, you know? And, and we introduce the one who can to as many people as we possibly can. So with that, but then the second verse, it's a, it, it's, I'm calling out the church man. What are you guys doing about it though? That's so good. We have the, we have hope. We have, man, we have the, the, the remedy and we're staying in the church thinking, oh, let's just keep building it nicer.

They're gonna come, they're gonna come. And I'm like, you gotta take a look around, man. We're losing them one by one. So it's just kind of an encouragement to my brothers, their little jab. Like, [00:47:00] man, let's be about it. Let's not just talk about it. So good. And it's, and obviously with a nice little west coast beat over it, just to get the listener kind of to think about it.

But that's the message in it, man. You know, the message is just, um, just keep giving them Jesus, you know, one of our, one of our, um. The ministry that when we go out to the high school is what we call it, is making much of Jesus. Simply, that's it. Let's just make much of Jesus wherever we go, man. Make much of Jesus, you know?

So that's it, man. Gabriel, you have been an absolute pleasure, grace, awesome. Minister of Love of Hope. Um, thank you for sharing your story on the Dudes Without Dad's podcast. Absolutely. Um, you are a beautiful human being. You're a example of what God can do to a life that says yes to him. Amen. Turns back.

[00:48:00] Amen. Yeah. This is a, a quote that's like he is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep. Yeah. To gain what he cannot lose. You're an example, man. I'm proud of you. Thank you brother. And uh, I want to be more like you. So thank you for what you're doing. Well, thank you for, thank you for getting Lord being obedient to the vision God gave you, man.

Know that your work is not in vain, my brother. You know, and hey, if we can one by one bro, that's it. If, if one person, man is like, dude, I want, I, I, okay, I see hope. I see hope. You know, it's all worth it, man. Well, let's be about it and not talk about it. We'll see you. Love you my friend. Alright. God bless bro.

Bye. Bye. Forgiveness is more for you than them. I had inner peace for the first time in my life. It's just Jesus, Jesus.